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Mindfulness and Cognitive Science Neurobiology and Behavior Self Care

Surviving as an introvert: 4 strategies to keep you connected

When you work in a people-focused environment it becomes essential to know where you land on the introvert-extrovert scale. Not because one is better than the other but because the underlying physiology associated with these traits can help you both understand your behavior + take effective action.

 

Spending a lot of time in large groups of people is going to look and feel different depending on where you are on the I/E scale. This is so much more than a label. This is your brain chemistry manifesting in your behavior. Each have their strengths. What’s more important is that you use who you are to your advantage.

 

As a mom, coming to a new level of understanding about how my brain works has been fundamental in helping me overcome anger issues + apathy toward problems that arise. It has helped me get in rhythm with my body so that I can effectively take action and recharge. It has also made it a lot easier to break up with some numbing tactics because I know what will actually help me recover.

 

Remember when I talked about self-care being whatever you have to do in order to keep going? This is one of those things.

 

Are you an introvert that is constantly around people? Do you feel like all you can do at the end of a long week is stare at a wall? Staying connected is essential to serving people well - not to mention your own wellbeing. Read this post for 4 strategies to staying connected without frying your circuits week after week. More at http://alisanelson.co

 

If you’re not convinced yet that this is something you need to know about yourself, then ask yourself if you wish you were happier, more consistent, or had more willpower. What I’m about to talk about will get you on that path too.

(If you’re short on time, scroll to the bottom for the summary)

This week we’re hitting on how to help introverts stay engaged + connected in a people-filled environment. In a few weeks we will circle back and talk about the extrovert side of the spectrum because everyone has obstacles to staying engaged and understanding the brain’s role can help us take effective action. If you’re more extroverted, send this to all your introverted friends and stick around because we’ll get to you. I promise.

 

Ok, I have A LOT to talk about today. So enough intro – let’s dive in.

What it means to be an introvert

I’ve taken a myers-briggs test probably at least half a dozen times. And every time I come out being called an extrovert. And it’s just not true ya’ll. Perhaps you’ve heard of the word “ambivert” where you’re a nice little half-blood but let’s get more descriptive than that. If you find yourself easily fatigued by large crowds or needy children but you also would occasionally choose to meet a close group of friends at a loud restaurant without a second thought than you are probably an extroverted introvert. Meaning you are on the introvert side of the spectrum but can also a bit extroverted in limited capacities.

 

If you’ve regularly felt in-conflict with what these tests tell you about yourself here’s a little disclaimer: you probably are answering based on who you think you should be. Often it is so ingrained that our automatic response can even be misaligned with our actual physiology. And with that beautiful word, let’s start talking about the major chemical difference between an introvert and an extrovert.

 

The biggest difference is a pretty simple one, really. An introvert has a greater sensitivity to dopamine.

 

Dopamine is released in the brain under a variety of circumstances, one of them being new environments. It plays a role in learning + memory. Therefore when you encounter new stimuli to be sorted and interpreted, dopamine floods the brain. Introverts require very little stimulation for dopamine to be released and to reach saturation. In contrast, extroverts require greater stimulation for dopamine to reach saturation.

 

In other words: an introvert requires less input to reach the desired happy, creative, and thoughtful state.

 

Knowing this we can identify the real reason introverts struggle to engage in a large crowd. Shyness is not the answer – overstimulation is. From a quiet corner a person can help their brain sort through the new information a little bit at a time and determine the best mode of entry into the fray. A new place with new faces, smells, sounds, etc. is often too much for an introvert to sort through on the spot – especially since that environment is also going to bring on a slew of internal reactions like self-talk, anxiety, increased heart rate, etc.

 

We use these internal processes – like releasing dopamine in a new environment – to get a lay of the land mentally. We modify our mental models, identify key players in the room, strategize our approach, integrate and transfer ideas, and develop appropriate responses as we integrate our feelings with all the other information.

 

However, all of the input make it difficult for an introvert to truly listen and thoughtfully respond to the people. Instead they will depend upon previously established mental models for interpreting what’s happening – requiring them to stick to preconceived scripts and ideas.

 

Overstimulation: an obstacle to high performance

Maybe you can cope well enough in a social environment. Keeping conversation light + playful can be nice. But when it comes to a work environment, you need to be able to function at a higher level, right? Not just to meet expectations but for your personal satisfaction!

 

Overstimulation impedes a person’s abilities to regulate their behavior (getting out of reaction mode), make decisions, focus on the task at hand, determine prioritization, communicate effectively, find + implement creative solutions, etc. Basically, anything that requires you to take in the immediate environment and rapidly turn out an effective response.

 

When I was a new mom I heard all the time how important it was to have a routine for the child’s sake. I love child development and they are right on – for kids, everything is new. And that means they are prone to overstimulation. Just like me. Their capacities are lower than an introverted adult – I can eat a cookie before bed and not go berserk – but they need an environment that takes their developing brains into consideration.

 

Similarly you need to set yourself up for success, taking YOUR brain into consideration. On any given day there is so much that is outside of our control, but this? This is on you. We have a phrase in our house, “make it easy.” And that’s what you have to do here. Easy doesn’t mean it’ll come naturally or feel effortless. It means that you will apply force in the necessary areas to see productive results.

 

So shall we dive in to where you should apply that force? YAY!

 

BUT FIRST: we’re already at 1000 words here so if you need to take a break and digest how this new information on introversion affects your life, please do it now. Bookmark or pin this post and come back when you’re ready to implement. Let this be your first action step → don’t force yourself to take in more than your brain can handle. We don’t want this to be yet another thing that just sits in your brain because it was too much too fast.

 

Ok, here’s how you can start to take back control:

 

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Strategy #1: Get yourself some self-awareness

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If I sound like a broken record I promise it’s not just because I’m merely fixated on self-awareness. It really is the first step to changing any behavior.

 

Self-awareness involves two areas: Where you are and where you want to go. You don’t know if you have enough gas in your car until you check. And you don’t know if it’s enough unless you know how far you need to go. Ya with me?

 

Some prompts to journal through:

  • What does it look like for you to be overwhelmed / overstimulated? Do you get snippy? Anxious? Start puttering around without getting anything done? Go into autopilot? Feel like you need to crawl out of your skin? Just me?
  • What kinds of situations push you over the edge? Is it correlated to a time of day?
  • What, if any, actions seem to help you stay below that threshold?
  • How do you typically respond to overstimulation? Are you reaching for your phone more? Thinking about what you’ll watch on Netflix tonight? Daydreaming?
  • What signs seem to act as a warning bell that the threshold is approaching? Is it inappropriate to lock my kids outside and start making dinner at 3pm?

 

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Strategy #2: Be selective about your spontaneity

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Sounds super cool, right?

 

I used to tell myself that I couldn’t be a planner. As soon as I would set a schedule or routine for myself or for my kids, I would feel stifled and never do it. You know what came with that? No energy to talk to my husband. And very few “fun-mom” moments. This isn’t a judgment on me – or anyone else, obviously we don’t judge herebut aligning with my strengths requires that I limit the space left for spontaneity. Like if I’m “spontaneously” deciding on what we’re doing for the day as it unfolds, I’m instantly decreasing my ability to roll with whatever antics my kids think up. My physiology struggles to have both.

 

Nothing stifles fun mom faster than realizing I don’t know what’s for dinner at 5pm.

 

BUT you know what I can do? I can take 5-10 minutes the night before (and a little longer on Sunday) to map out our day.

 

It is pretty literally the worst to get to dinner time and have no energy to do anything but throw children in bed and zone out on the computer. In days gone by I would very passive aggressively make it obvious to my husband that I was not interested in talking to him and heaven forbid he attempt any physical contact. My fried brain was is fight mode and it wasn’t going anywhere.

 

If you want to be able to stay engaged throughout your work + have energy leftover to really connect with the important people in your life, you have to be more selective in your spontaneity. Own that brain chemistry, girl. 

Here’s where your mental image for who you want to be comes into play: do you want to be a person who has to zone out every night? Or do you want to be able to meet friends for a drink or take your kids on a spontaneous picnic? If it’s the latter, than you need to put in the effort to streamline your daily decisions.

 

ACTION STEP:

  • Consider what you wish you had more energy for – Playing with your kids? Weekly dinner with friends? Space to devote to a hobby you’ve let fall aside? Time with your husband that is beyond netflix + ice cream?
  • Now think about your day – where does it feel like you’re expending more energy than should be necessary? What feels especially draining?
  • What could you do to make that area / event more predictable?

 

Here’s another good place to stop. Take action on these first two steps before adding more to your plate, k? We’ll wait.

 

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Strategy #3: Honor your body’s rhythms + take a time out

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There is SO MUCH MORE science to tell you about, guys. But I’ll refrain and save it for another post.

 

The big idea here is that you are an organism. Not a machine. Your body functions in a rhythm, requiring input + output for a wholehearted life. You, my dear friend, are one of those amazing people who literally can’t help helping. It’s just a part of your life. It makes you who you are. But that does not mean you are an exception to the rule: your body, mind, and spirit need nourishment if you want to keep on doing this thing called life.

 

Sleep is one way our bodies take a time out to refresh. Your brain and the rest of your tissues are working all through the night to repair cells, get rid of toxins, refresh its stores, etc. So sleep is hugely important. And more than that – our brains need a chill-out time throughout the day too. Ok maybe I told you a little more science.

 

As introverted folk, we need to honor that during-the-day rhythm. Remember up above when I asked you some questions to build your self-awareness? Well, here’s where that info is useful! There are going to be times during the day when we feel a lull happening. The lull is your brain saying, “Cool it! Let me catch up, por favor!” We’re taking in information all the time and giving your brain a few minutes (with 15-20 being optimal) to play catch up, you will be able to better maintain energy levels throughout the day. Which mean you’ll be better able to stay engaged with the people around you instead of just wishing everyone would shut up.

 

<mini-rant>

Social media scrolling is NOT allowed during these mental breaks. I was gonna be all “not the best choice” but this is too true and too important to play PC.

 

Social media:

  • shortens your attention span,
  • triggers dopamine surges that are more like a sugar rush, desensitizing you to real connection + real information
  • makes you think you’ve connected with people when you haven’t
  • is MORE stimulation for your brain to sort through
  • introduces common triggers to stress / anxiety / comparison / etc
  • is full of people telling you who you should be / what you should be doing

 

Don’t do that to yourself. It’s fun, obviously. But pick a time during the day when you are going to intentionally engage in that and don’t let it be your “I’m tired so let me just scroll” as if that’s productive or helping you unwind. Trust me, it’s not.

</rant>

 

ACTION STEP:

  • Think about your usual day, find a moment around midmorning and midafternoon where you can take a 10-20 minute breather. Even if you can only start with 3 minutes, do it.
  • Set your phone alarm to remind you.
  • Follow through and take a few minutes to let your mind release. Take some deep breaths but don’t try to focus on anything (or nothing). No effort here.
  • Do this for a week – make notes about any differences you experience.

 

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Strategy #4: Establish personal rituals

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Your brain wants to run on habits. It is more energy efficient. Daily rituals allow your brain to chunk certain activities and tie them to cues + rewards – making it easier to build the habit AND incorporating natural motivation because rewards involve happy chemical release (which your brain like really, really loves).

 

Again, this section can (and probably will) be its own separate post and as we near the 3,000 word mark let’s keep the action here simple + tied in to the above action steps. You need a nightly routine for mapping out the next day + closing down this one.

 

What do you get out of a nighttime routine? Your brain gets cued up that sleep is coming. That alters your brain chemistry, making it easier to fall asleep. Making your plan for the next day gives you the chance to reflect on the day, realign with your priorities, and head into the next day giving your focus to people instead of to tasks. And finally, you get the opportunity to purposely close out the day. Rather than suddenly realizing it’s 10pm and you haven’t set the coffee pot, cleaned up dinner, or read that book you’d intended to start, you can rhythmically move through your evening into the things that fill you up for another day.

 

Imagine it: going to bed full instead of feeling guilty, rushed, or scattered.

 

You guys, I’ve tasted and seen. It is so, so good to end the day feeling grateful + connected to what is most important to you.

 

ACTION STEP:

  • What’s your current night routine like? What do you like about it? What do you wish you were doing differently?
  • Start with the time you want to be in bed and work backwards, how will you spend your evening? What time do you need to close your computer or turn off the tv?
  • Give yourself 5-10 minutes to plot out your next day as you close down the kitchen or before you watch a show.
  • Pick 1 or 2 (short) things that you can do just before getting into bed that will help you transition your mind from activity to rest + align you with what is most important to you. Might be listening to music or a Bible app while you wash your face + get into pajamas. Maybe it’s journaling or writing a letter to a friend. Whatever it is, turn the lights low, be present, be grateful, and ease yourself into sleep.
  • Download Insight Timer (free) for sleep meditations if you have trouble falling asleep. I have a couple of favorites (Yoga Nidras) that I have yet to hear the end of, even when it still feels like my mind is buzzing as I get into bed. I also like to set the sleep timer on Pandora to soft instrumentals (ok so really they are epic soundtracks).

 

Wrap up (read: a reminder why any of this matters)

  • Introverts have a lower tolerance for stimulation.

  • Stimulation is any + all incoming information to the brain from sensory experience to internal dialogue to feelings to verbal + non-verbal cues from people.

  • In an overstimulated state you will struggle to make decisions, come up with creative solutions, regulate your behavior / emotions, maintain focus on the important stuff, perform necessary tasks effectively, etc.

  • All of these inhibit your ability to engage + connect with the people around you in the present moment.

  • Taking action to limit stimuli, discharge excess stimulation, streamline processes, and introduce systems + routines will increase your capacity for the people in your lives and keep you connected to your mission in the midst of all the noise.

 

If this sounds like something you need + want to do but you feel overwhelmed at the thought of doing it by yourself, this is what I do with clients. In the very near future I will be unveiling a “work with me” page for beta testers of my coaching program.

Categories
Mindfulness and Cognitive Science Raising Capable Kids

How to really establish your expertise

You’ve likely heard it over and over again — narrow down into a niche and position yourself as an expert.

Today I’m here to tell you, from the brain science perspective, what it really takes to be an expert in your niche. It’s more than blogging about a range of topics relevant to your niche and it’s more than being quoted in the media. It’s way cooler than that, actually.

 

As a business owner it’s your job to solve problems. There is a method to problem solving that will put you on the track to becoming a real expert in your niche. Here are the characteristics of an expert-like learner versus a non expert-like learner. Read on to see why the way you respond to being wrong and the effort you take to understand the problem are two big indicators in whether you will actually become an expert or if you just claim to be one. Read more at http://alisanelson.coPin that image, girl boss! Or click here to pin directly from Pinterest.

In any domain we can all see that there are those who have knowledge + experience, then there are those who have knowledge, experience, and also this indescribable ability to do everything better. Doctors, entrepreneurs, musicians, athletes. The first will still go on to be a good doctor but the second will go on to extend what it means to be a doctor. Why?

Well I’m all about focusing on the 20% (most significant / important information) and here’s what it is:

What scientists have found is that it comes down to how they learn. How they go about acquiring new skills like responding to a crisis in the operating room or diagnosing a patient.

Whaaa? Yes. The way they approach a problem is different than their peers.

 

Getting a better picture of the expert at work

You see, every single one of us forms an idea about how the world works. As we gain new knowledge or experience, we fit it into our mental model of the world (or that specific domain). But the method of how that new piece fits is different between the expert and the non-expert. And to help us get a good understanding I’m going to use an analogy of putting a puzzle together. First, let’s talk about how we put puzzles together:

When you start a new puzzle, do you just start trying to put pieces together or do you first study the box? Do you categorize the pieces? Often you see someone begin with the border, then move on to the bigger sections (the main image or the very colorful ones), then they fill in the details or the more mono-colored pieces (like the sky or the snow).

Why is that an effective method? The edge pieces are of course easy to spot and the big, colorful parts of the picture are easier but I observe that there are deeper principles afoot:

  1. Establishing the border constrains the puzzle. It gives you a concrete edge in which all the remaining pieces must fit. The border acts as your first frame of reference.

  2. Moving next to the big, colorful spots you are able to get a clear orientation to the puzzle. This helps you to be able to start predicting where pieces go as you begin to envision how this first image affects the other elements of the big picture (like distance, perspective, orientation, etc). (Psychologically speaking, these first two steps also tend to build morale. Small wins and rapid succession of success boosts you enough to be more patient with the more difficult pieces).

  3. Finally, putting the rest of the sky together is made easier (most of the time) because it is more like filling in space. You’ve acclimated yourself to the tone of the puzzle so slight variations in color are easier to see and the unique shapes of the pieces are easier to identify. Since this is often the part of the puzzle where the box fails to be helpful, having the established reference points and familiarity with the puzzle helps you continue to be successful.

 

If you’ve read my previous posts on problem solving and learning, you might be starting to make the connections between a puzzle and learning:

  • Understand what the problem is and establish the desired outcome
  • Identify key concepts and language within the domain
  • Use these first two steps to fill in the details, doing small dips into research on these more detailed elements.

These first two steps anchor you so that when the more detailed pieces become important, they don’t cause you to get lost, stuck, or confused.

So you want to be an expert in your niche?

This is how a woman becomes a real expert. The puzzle might be a picture of entrepreneurship, or it might be her specific domain as a graphic designer or biz coach, or it may be a specific project like building her first training program. No matter the scale, the expert-like learner will constrain the problem, gain orientation to the language + the various elements involved, and use those anchors to fill in the details. Also:

  • They will refer to the prior art (the box) — and not someone else’s unfinished puzzle.
  • They will not assume they understand the puzzle just because they got the border together.
  • They will not start with the sky.
  • They will not try to place single, random, stand-alone pieces on the table as if they know exactly where they belong.
  • They will not assume that the next puzzle can just be thrown together because they figured this one out (they use the same method every single time, even with the same puzzle).
  • They remove pieces to be reconsidered when a new piece starts to make it look out of place.

Related:
Why you keep obsessing over social media
How to turn self-doubt into an asset

So…is this how you solve a problem?

Let’s take one last look at that idea of a mental model I mentioned at the beginning of this adventure. You have a model in your mind of what it looks like to be a graphic designer or a biz coach or how to create your next product. And because you are still young – even if you’ve been building your biz for a handful of years already – your mental model is incomplete. Do you see it that way? Are you continuing to carefully reference the box and consider the border or are you assuming your puzzle is done? Are you open to having a piece in the wrong position and willing to remove it so it can be placed correctly?

You care about your clients. You’re here, at this point in your life + career, because you want to make a difference in people’s lives and you want to grow into the type of person that people can depend on and even look to for guidance and encouragement.

Related:
4 ways to improve your focus throughout the day
Get consistent: 4 mindsets hurting your business

Take action:

Look at the domain where you repeatedly feel lost, stuck, or confused. Have you done the border work or are you neck-deep in anchor-less details? Take a step toward building that border:

  1. Write down the bigger problem – you have an outcome in mind for your biz or for your clients, now what obstacles are standing in the way?

    Example: Are you dreaming of building a course about a certain topic but wondering how to ensure people buy it before you waste your time? One of your bigger problems here is: How do I effectively influence people? What builds trust between producers and consumers? What are people looking for when they buy something?

     

  2. Write down all the words you can think of that relate to that problem and outcome.

    Influence, building trust, marketing, consumer behavior, positioning, etc.

     

  3. Look beyond other bloggers.

    Influencing other people or any other business topic is going to have principles that transcend our fast-paced online business world. Bloggers will give you the detailed steps to follow but it’s rare for them to teach you the underlying principles. When you look at the bigger principles, the details will become much more obvious.

 

So tell me in the comments — is this how you put a puzzle together? Does that analogy reveal anything new or interesting about how you go about learning?

 

Categories
Mindfulness and Cognitive Science Neurobiology and Behavior

How to stay focused when learning new things in business

Learning new skills and establishing your footing is essential to surviving in business. But how do you stay focused in a world of information overload?

Let’s say you’re thinking about developing some new products to begin scaling your business efforts and you need to really understand content marketing so you can form a strategy and implement. How often do you head for Google only to find yourself in a rabbit hole in 2 minutes flat? When you finally emerge, you’re signed up for 5 more email lists yet no closer to actually understanding the issue at hand.

In recent posts we’ve talked about the importance of effective problem-solving — when you look at each of these questions (what is content marketing and how does it apply to my business?) as a problem to solve, you increase the likelihood you’ll actually get the answers you need.

In today’s post we’re talking about how to stay focused within the miry bog of the internet. It’s tough work to separate the genuine signal from the noise and on top of all the useless information, you’ve got your own brain to consider. So that’s where I’m coming in – brain science meets creative biz life is where I thrive after all.

Tired of every business question leading to hours of unproductive research (and youtube videos?) Here are 12 tips for maintaining focus and beating procrastination while solving problems like a boss. Plus a bonus template for important “before you google" work to ensure your learning is effective and relevant to your biz.

Cognitive load refers to the capacity of a person’s working memory. The associated theory is applied to learning environments in order to optimize for a common human shortcoming – we can only handle so much new information at one time. Add another layer of ideas to remember without a system in place and you’re bound for information overload.

Luckily, scientists have found useful methods for processing new information and keeping cognitive load low but it’s likely that you’re not employing these methods as you rapidly scroll through google search results.

Here are 12 tips to help you stay focused as you head off to learn new things:

Building awareness

  • Know your signs of overload — It may be feeling angry or overstimulated during or after your work or perhaps your mind goes a little numb and you head for Facebook and start reading unimportant – but funny – posts about hipster princesses.
  • Know your triggers to overload — Are you trying to multitask? Are you tired? Are you diving into google search before you’ve even really thought about the problem? Which behaviors do you see coming before you overload happens?
  • Know how you learn best — If you’re a visual learner but your main source of learning is a podcast you’re going to have trouble processing the information given. Maybe you need to take notes at the same time (whether listening or reading). Maybe you need to map out the problem with pen+paper before you can sit down at your computer.
  • Practice bookmarking or pinning potential resources — We’ve all been there – you’re looking at one post and the author is smart and has back-linked to a different post. It might be interesting but if it’s not actually related to the problem YOU are trying to solve, save it for later. No need to quick learn that information – it’s not going anywhere.

Know the problem

  • Get clear about the big question
  • Brainstorm a list of words / concepts related to that big question
  • Build a list of anchor concepts – the big principles that go beyond online business – to help you sort new information as it comes (useful or not?)
  • Break it into small chunks so you can search in smaller doses with more specific questions
  • Have a clear objective for each of those small dose searches

Pin these related posts for later:
4 steps to problem-solving like a pro
How to stop obsessing over social media

Assess for new understanding

  • Know your intended action (plan to act!) to hold yourself accountable
  • Stay present – checking each new piece of information against the problem / objective (have you solved it yet? Are you staying on task? Are things getting clearer or more confusing?)
  • Relate what you are learning to what you already know – use those anchor principals and your previous understanding to integrate new ideas into your schema. (Move from working memory to long term memory).

How this helps your focus problem

Overload tends to lead to being lost, stuck, or confused. And those are three words you do not want describing your work day. Those words lead to more awful words like procrastination. They lead to dwelling on the unimportant information and tasks that won’t move your business forward. They lead to premature decisions based on incomplete information because you just want to get it over with. You start telling yourself “Just do something!” yea?

Pin this related post for later:
4 mindsets killing your consistency

Following the tips above will help you stay focused on the bigger picture – and the actual problem – while wading into the world of google. They will help you start to systematize your problem-solving, which in turn helps you to stay on top of all the essential tasks of being an entrepreneur. There will always be problems and with a plan (and your free template!!) you can keep solving them like a boss while you wear all the hats / spin all the plates / keep all the balls in the air.

Categories
Mindfulness and Cognitive Science Neurobiology and Behavior Raising Capable Kids

How to stop obsessing over social media

Earlier this week we looked at WHY we tend to obsess over social media – clicking over to Facebook or scrolling through Instagram every time there’s a lull in our work. Today we’re looking at HOW TO STOP. It’s not quite enough to tell yourself that you will only check it twice per day…I’ve got 6 conditions that need to be satisfied in order for scheduled check-ins to be successful!

As I said in this blog post (go read it if you haven’t!), our reaction to social media notifications is similar to a drug addicts response to building drug tolerance. So how do people effectively overcome a drug addiction?

 

We covered WHY you obsessively check your social media...but how do you create a healthy balance between growing your business and not getting obsessed? Many recommend limiting yourself to just a couple check ins per day but that only works if you're satisfying these 6 conditions. Are you setting yourself up for success or are you wasting time obsessing over your social media profiles? Read on to save time. http://alisanelson.co

Pin that image so your fellow girlbosses stop wasting their time too!

If you took the first step and started building awareness around your social media distraction then you’ve moved it from unconscious thought to conscious — that’s huge.

So how do we solve the problem?

The next step in problem solving (after understanding the problem) is to look at other similar kinds of problems and investigate the use of its solution. In the case of checking social media every time you start to feel a little stuck or bored, addiction is a good comparison.

In my searching, genuine relationships appear to be the best form of recovery from addiction.

Relationships provide

  1. a way for the addict to gain better self-awareness,
  2. the support + connection a person is usually seeking under the surface, and
  3. purpose to following through.

All three of these characteristics are also key to handling any kind of stress well. So it seems plausible to use these solutions for our issue with digital notifications and their effect on our creativity + productivity.

Related: How to turn self-doubt into an asset

Putting the plan into our context

You’ve likely heard others talk about scheduling when they check social media. I think this has an area of validity so if we add a few things to it, it can serve you well in your business. Here’s when I think it works:

  1. You understand the the compulsion to scroll through pictures is due to chemicals in your brain, not because there is anything life-or-death happening.
  2. You are well-connected to other people whom you feel understand you and support your work.
  3. You have meaningful work that is making progress.
  4. As you establish the new habit, you are self-aware of what triggers your desire to jump on Instagram and actively talk to yourself about why you don’t need to do it.
  5. You choose a constructive + creativity-boosting alternative after recognizing you feel stuck or you’re doubting yourself.
  6. You practice having an abundance mindset: social media can wait./

By satisfying these conditions and forming a plan for when they are not satisfied, I think scheduling one or two specific times when you are checking on social media can be highly effective. You will need to test out what you need after you’ve finished. Meditation or a walk or less-demanding work may be necessary to help you transition back into focused + creative tasks like writing. And this can be applied to other areas as well like email and text messages.

So let’s walk through those conditions.

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You understand the the compulsion to scroll through pictures is due to chemicals in your brain, not because there is anything life-or-death happening.

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Stress in your work can trigger your fight-or-flight stress response. If you’ve conditioned yourself to mentally check out whenever stress arises – even if just for a little while – you’ll need to build awareness around that behavior. Starting with recognizing that it’s a chemical surge in your brain that is directing your attention to social media. Your brain has been wired to see it as a solution. Whatever reason you tell yourself for why you need to check instagram for the twentieth time today is really just an excuse.

Unless of course you actually do have a reason – but then it’s not just a distraction, right?

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You are well-connected to other people whom you feel understand you and support your work.

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Social media can be a great connector. It can also be a cover for real-life-isolation. Whether you are introverted or extraverted, you need people. Our brains are even programmed to seek out security within a tribe. So if in real life you are feeling insecure in your relationships, the pull to social media – where your followers are praising your work and seeking your engagement – will be stronger.

On the flip side, if you are investing in real-life community — people whom you see face-to-face or talk with over Skype — social media is going to be an easier distraction to overcome.

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You have meaningful work that is making progress.

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Purpose is a major influencer. As a business owner you probably had a big reason to put yourself through all the stress of working for yourself. You probably have a future vision in mind that keeps you going when you think about quitting. Are you letting that through in each project you take on? Are you creating a course simply because someone told you to or is it serving your bigger vision? If it’s in line with your bigger vision remind yourself of it! Keep it front and center as you work so you can channel the stress of the struggle toward creating your best work.
If you are struggling and your project isn’t making progress you will be more likely to move on to less important tasks, like instagram or twitter. It’s discouraging to feel like you’re not getting anywhere. Rather than force yourself to struggle (or disengage from the project), look again at the problem you are trying to solve and the outcome you want. Do you have all the information you need? Is there someone you could reach out to who has the skill you’re trying to hack?

Related: 4 steps to solving problems like a pro

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As you establish the new habit, you are self-aware of what triggers your desire to jump on social media and actively talk TO yourself about why you don’t need to do it.

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Stephen Covey talks about how easily we get distracted by urgent, unimportant tasks. He concludes that a sign of a highly effective person is that they focus on the important tasks (and know how to distinguish between types of tasks). What you really want right now is the expected outcome of your project or task – so figure out a way to get that rather than letting yourself get distracted by social media.

You’re not solving the right problem when you disengage from an important task to do an urgent / unimportant one. You’re just wasting your energy.

Related: 4 mindsets hurting your business

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You choose a constructive + creativity-boosting alternative after recognizing you feel stuck or you’re doubting yourself.

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Your creativity is stalling and you’re losing focus because you feel stuck, you’re doubting yourself, etc. That is the worst time to get on instagram and start scrolling through perfectly styled images! Your brain needs a break. So reduce the stimulation and step away. Get present and take a few deep breaths.

Better to go outside and spend 30 minutes people-watching then to scroll through images in rapid fire.

Related: 15 super-easy self care ideas for creative entrepreneurs

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You practice having an abundance mindset: social media can wait.

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It’s not going to be gone forever. People won’t revoke their likes just because you haven’t responded yet. It can wait.

Really. It can wait.

Not indefinitely – in fact you know exactly when you will get to it. Because it’s scheduled. (And hey! With all the new algorithms, you don’t have to worry about missing your favorites in your feed!)

When each of these conditions are met, you can and should be successful in scheduling 1 or 2 social media check-ins throughout the work day. These will likely be longer because you’ve got an outcome in mind so you aren’t just endlessly scrolling.
As far as the time of day you check, I recommend afternoon and evening based on what I know about trying to create after consuming rapid-pace media but being home with kids all day I’m still working on fine-tuning my own schedule.

So tell me in the comments, will you try scheduling your social media check-ins?

Categories
Neurobiology and Behavior

Why you keep obsessing over social media even when you know you shouldn’t (+ free workbook)

Picture this:

You’re sitting at your desk and while struggling through writing content for your new ebook you decide to check Instagram. When you open the app on your phone, a big orange rectangle pops up in the bottom corner telling you that you have 40 new likes, 10 new followers, and 10 comments. A smile stretches across your face. You were testing out some new hashtags and these are exciting results. So you start going through them and momentarily forget all about your writing.

You start to transition back to your ebook (30 minutes later) but your mind is still buzzing with those numbers. You struggle to regain focus. Within a few minutes you pick up your phone again and open up that app and this time there’s another dozen new likes. But inside you feel yourself deflate a little bit. Now when you turn back to write your ebook you find it impossible to stay focused and besides all your inspiration is gone so you start clicking through blog posts about Instagram and eventually anything that catches your eye.

Sound familiar?

Why does this happen? What’s going on and how do we make it stop?

These are the questions I’ll be answering in today’s post.

Do you find yourself on social media whenever you start to drift in your focus? Here we're using the science of human behavior to understand WHY it happens even when you know you shouldn't. Plus download a free workbook and start building new habits that will boost your creativity + productivity. Social media doesn't have to be the bad guy. Regain your focus and your drive. More at http://alisanelson.co/blog

First, we understand.

Notifications – mobile + desktop, push + in-app – are designed to get your attention. That’s kinda the point right? And they do a bang-up job. Whether it’s email or social media or text messages or slot machines (whaaa?? Yes.), the brain science is all along the same lines.

First piece of data: notifications (and slot machines) give what psychologists call variable-ratio rewards. An unpredictable reward that increases your anticipation of receiving it so you return frequently in hopes that this will be the time to receive the reward. Like our example above with the Instagram notifications, your brain is programmed to boost dopamine in anticipation to checking your social profiles because some time previously you received a great reward – like new followers or maybe even a client inquiry.

A study done in monkeys shows the same response. When the monkey does work, he receives a reward. A look at his neurochemistry shows that during the work dopamine is spiking, motivating him to do the work in anticipation of a reward. When a new experiment is run in which the monkey only receives the reward 50% of the time, dopamine skyrockets.

There is greater anticipation — greater motivation to pursue the reward — when the reward is not guaranteed BUT occurs often enough to feel possible.

Important note: we can also convince ourselves of a greater probability. That’s what casinos do – making it appear that the odds are 50/50. If you understood the real odds you wouldn’t give them any money.

 

Second piece of data: we are always pursuing happiness. Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins are all chemicals that our brains use to condition our behavior for the sake of happiness. Back to our hunter-gatherer ancestors, our brains used dopamine to help us remember where we found food. It uses serotonin + oxytocin to condition our behavior within our group or tribe for acceptance and safety.

The involvement of these chemicals forges a new neural connection instantaneously (where repetition builds new connections gradually). This means that when emotion is involved, we instantly get a new habit and when it’s not involved we have the painful process of practice.

When you are sitting at your computer and struggling to focus on writing your new ebook, your brain is looking for ways to feel happy. Due to the neural pathway formed other times you’ve checked social media, you get this bright idea to pick up your phone. And your brain gets dopamine. You feel happy, even if you haven’t actually solved any problem.

Every time you pick up your phone, you reinforce the habit. That neural connection gets insulated (making the electrical current travel faster) and strengthening the drive to pick up your phone when you’re feeling stuck or doubting yourself.

Third piece of data: the brain is always seeking happiER. Think about drug addiction. We know that the first use can send dopamine levels soaring in the brain. But the next time, with the same amount of drug, dopamine levels do not go as high. The brain seeks novelty. So what does a person have to do when they use drugs again? They have to up the dose.

If you’ve programmed yourself to eat a donut when you feel rejected, soon you will have to eat 2 in order to get the same feeling, or deal with the disappointment of an unfulfilling donut (and assume the shop screwed up the recipe this time).

In our scenario when you picked up the phone a second time your brain didn’t respond the same way. Rational or not, it doesn’t much matter, you feel disappointed. You feel disappointment due to the absence of dopamine (and probably serotonin + oxytocin as well).

This bears repeating: You feel disappointment when there is an absence of dopamine where you’ve experienced it in the past. It is a feeling brought on by chemicals in your brain.
We tend to blame the situation – and ourselves – when we feel down about not getting the attention we were hoping for. But that disappointment is neither selfish nor warranted. It just is.

Second, we make a plan.

Here’s where I’m going to get a little bossy. We all know how easy it is to read a post and walk away unchanged. But if you’ve made it this far it’s time to take action. You’ve got homework, love.

Step 1: Start paying attention.

You need to build awareness around this behavior. I want you to journal or bullet out answers to these questions:

  • What triggers do you see in your thoughts or environment?
  • How are you feeling when you reach for your phone or click over to Twitter?
  • What kinds of projects are you usually working on?
  • How long has it been since you talked to real people?
  • How’s your sleep these days?

If you only go this far, I commend you. Increasing your awareness around a behavior is a vital first step and can, in itself, influence change.

But if you’re ready to go all in and want to develop a healthier relationship with the social side of your business, go on to step 2.

Step 2: Get the free workbook and start building your personal action plan for overcoming social media obsession

 

Categories
Mindfulness and Cognitive Science Neurobiology and Behavior

How to turn self-doubt into an asset

Self-doubt is a painfully common experience for a business owner. From hitting “publish” on a post to developing a new product to holding your hundredth discovery call, even C-level executives have been quoted expressing a continued struggle with feeling like a fraud. The struggle is so real that all the way back in the late-70’s researchers Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes gave it a name –> Impostor Phenomenon. It is now estimated that around 70% of people will experience impostor phenomenon at least once.

 

As a business owner, there’s good reason to feel like a fraud. As you seek to grow and you step into roles you never imagined for yourself, personal growth becomes mandatory. On a near-daily basis (depending on where you are in your business) you are operating at the edges of your capabilities — an intensely vulnerable place to be. Unfortunately, without an effective response to self-doubt, you can find yourself losing motivation, drooping in creativity, and spending a lot of time on stuff that doesn’t really help your business.

 

Because doubting yourself is so common and so problematic, this post is all about how to see your self-doubt in a new light. And because I want you to effectively step into your business and keep pushing the edges of your comfort zone, I’ve made a cheat sheet for you to keep on hand for when self-doubt strikes. We’re in this together, ok?

Self-doubt gets a bad rap. But you're the boss of your brain so you get to decide -- will self-doubt crush you? Or will you put in the effort to turn it into an asset? Creatives, bloggers, and business owners rely on creativity + productivity to make a living - unchecked self-doubt derails both. So read on and download the free cheat sheet so you can get started using your self-doubt to your advantage. More at http://alisanelson.co

Pin that image for later, friend! Or click here to pin directly from Pinterest!

What science says about self-doubt

Clance and Imes describe impostor phenomenon as a feeling of “phoniness in people who believe that they are not intelligent, capable or creative despite evidence of high achievement.” What they saw happening in the women they were studying was that despite great capability and high motivation for achievement, they lived in fear of being “found out.” Sound familiar? Yea, me too.

Self-doubt is stressful. It’s extremely difficult to focus on a task when your brain is telling you that you 1. have no right to be doing it and 2. you’re going to be found out. That is a threat to your security and you are biologically wired to avoid that kind of threat. Your body’s stress response is designed to go nuts at this point to give you the energy you need to get to safety.

But we’re not in the savannah running off on our own from the rest of the tribe and therefore at risk of getting mauled.

A new business adventure may not sound all that revolutionary but for your brain, it’s different than what is status quo. And therefore a threat. Your brain chemicals are quickly transitioning to a stress response in order to prime you for action – to run from the proverbial lion.

When you’re publishing new, high-value content, developing a new product, or consulting with a new client, your brain is looking at the possible outcome and responding based on prior experiences (imprints – like that time you were called a know-it-all in middle school). It then goes into automatic survival mode. A droop in chemicals like serotonin and oxytocin give you that feeling of fear and loneliness while cortisol spikes your heart rate.

 

In essence, your brain perceives a need for a safe place amongst safe people and your biochemistry is responding appropriately to get you moving in that direction.

 

Now let’s talk about why you should not move in that direction and what you should do instead.

 

Reacting vs Responding to self-doubt

So we’ve talked about what happens in your brain when you try something new, but what about behavior? That’s the stuff we can actually look at in our everyday lives. So what happens when someone is experiencing self-doubt?

  • excessive gathering of informationreading tons of blog posts on mistakes new biz owners make, listening to another podcast about sales funnels, signing up for one more ebook about how to land new clients

 

  • focusing on the urgent + unimportant taskschecking social media again, reading email without taking any actions or responding, investigating who unfollowed you, checking up on the competition,

 

  • easily distracted by unrelated mind chatterwhen was the last time I washed my hair? re-organizing your office space, spending excessive time styling a new photo for social media, ruminating on something someone said last week

 

  • preoccupation with your title (even Marie Forleo talks about this one) – rewriting your about page / social media bios over and over again

 

The list goes on. Day-in and day-out these behaviors indicate something is going on beneath the surface. You may be unaware of your self-doubt to some extent but as it continues to build up it will become obvious. Because you’ll be literally telling yourself, “You idiot, what makes you think you have any right to do this?”

What you shouldn’t do

  • Blindly listen to the shame gremlins.If you abandon every idea, project, or opportunity that you don’t feel 100% capable of doing (from meeting new people to launching a new product), you’re life will be spent watching everything Netflix has to offer. You’ll be constantly seeking to numb yourself to avoid shame and the deep longing to do something important with your time. But you are strong, brave, and clever. So don’t just walk away, ok?

 

  • Cover over the gremlins with inspirational quotes.There is inspiration that points us back to truth and grounds us in a bigger purpose beyond our own comfort, and there’s “inspiration” that is completely devoid of meaning and like putting a child-sized bandaid on a gunshot wound. Words like “you got this!” are pointless if they don’t point to concrete evidence.Trying to deceive yourself into doing the work will more likely serve to reinforce the feeling of self-doubt, and possibly even make it true.

What happens if you just ignore self-doubt?

Suppressing internal messages will lead to increased internal pressure. Increased pressure can lead to explosions. Many people talk about the cycle of depression, anxiety, greater loss of self-confidence, frustration, and loss of interest they experience while attempting to build a business. It’s burnout. When you fail to respond to what your body is telling you, your body makes you respond by first shutting down your ability to focus and be productive, followed by real health issues like insomnia, headaches, depression, anxiety, etc.

What you should do

Mindfully approach your self-doubt, seeking to understand why it is there and to learn more about yourself through the process. Mindfulness is a neutral look at your thoughts, feelings, and environment. You’re an observer of what’s going on, gathering information, and taking appropriate actions.

Observations to help you slow down the stress response and choose how you want to respond:

 

  • “Welcome, old friend”Pema Chondron talks about smiling at fear and welcoming it. You should expect it to be there – you’re being creative and gutsy. You can’t expect to just shoo it away or that you will grow out of it – instead you can let it be a sign that you are daring to do something new and let it sit while you ask more questions. You can say to yourself, “I must be pushing the edges of my comfort zone.” That’s good. As a creative entrepreneur, that’s what you want.

 

  • Your brain is giving you space to do a gut checkLet’s remember that it is entirely possible that you are an impostor (gasp!). People claim to be more capable than they are all the time. Sometimes it’s with malicious intent and other times it’s simply because they lost perspective.For example: Maybe all the people you follow on Twitter have been blogging about a certain topic – like landing pages – and you decide to do the same. Except that it is a little out of nowhere compared to the rest of your blog content. That feeling you have that makes writing the post hard or makes you feel a little extra self-conscious? That’s a good thing. You’re getting a chance to decide if that’s a direction you want and should take your business or if you got a little bit of copycat syndrome and need to scrap the idea. Our minds get hijacked all the time by the things we see making other people happy. Acknowledge you got distracted and just move on.

    Your brain could also be telling you that you don’t have enough information. Strangely enough, you could be endlessly surfing web pages because you do indeed need more information. But it’s not likely that reading 20 versions of the same post is going to get you what you need. If you’re developing a course for other graphic designers and you realize your understanding is a little shallow in an area, you need to problem solve, not consume more blogs.

 

Actions to take:

  • Assess your current capabilities and that which is required for the task or project at hand. If you need more information for your course on design, don’t just binge-read Elle & Co blog posts (it’s fun, I know! And I’m not even a designer!), reach out to Lauren and talk shop. That way you can get a better feel for another designer’s process and swap sources.
  • Seek effective support. More than just an instagram post or a “you got this! #girlboss.” Go to one of your favorite Facebook groups and ask a question. Get on the phone with someone and talk about what’s going on. Work with a coach who will encourage you + help you see the path.
  • Take note of your common indicators for self-doubt. What are your specific triggers? What does the downward spiral tend to look like?
  • Never stop learning. You will always have space to grow. You set yourself up for failure when you start to believe you’ve got this girlboss thing figured out. So surround yourself with people who push you to perform at a higher level and make a habit of seriously learning. This is more than scanning blog posts that catch your eye. I’m talking keep a list of problems you keep running into and actually seek to understand the issue. Some things you’ll get to delegate – bless your soul for not needing to know everything yourself. But some things (like understanding “how do people learn best” for that course you’re outlining) are vital to the efficacy of your work.

Did I miss something?

I’m a scientist at heart. The specific behaviors I’ve indicated here are not exhaustive and I’m always gathering more in order to help people (including myself) understand why they do what they do. I also love supportive evidence.

So tell me in the comments – what do you start doing when you’re doubting yourself? What helps you move through it?

 

Categories
Mindfulness and Cognitive Science

Get consistent: 4 mindsets hurting your business

Consistency can make or break you. It communicates authenticity, thoughtfulness, and make you trustworthy. It can lead to genuine connections with your audience. And it shows people that you are here and ready to help them. When you struggle with major dips in your ability to be consistent due to burnout, you risk the survival of your business. Don’t let your business fizzle out. Read on to learn more about the effects your thinking has on your business + make an action plan for how to respond.

 

The way we think about our work impacts the way we work on + in our businesses. In a previous post I’ve highlighted the importance of developing self-awareness and practicing throughout the day. Today I’m going to point out 4 mindsets that are making your life way harder than it needs to be. Plus I’m giving you a workbook full of questions for understanding your own mindset struggles + developing a plan so you stop wasting time and energy in your business.

Is your lack of consistency hurting your ability to grow + thrive in business? It takes more than discipline - you have to look at the way you THINK about your business + your life. Here are 4 common mindsets that could be killing your consistency plus tips for how to deal. Amp up your creativity + productivity through greater self-awareness and an action plan using the FREE WORKBOOK. More at http://alisanelson.co

 

Pin that image for a refresher later! Or click here to pin it directly from Pinterest.

First, let’s get a look a little more at the problem:

Does this sequence sound familiar?

 

You’re working on a new offering and you’re struggling to make progress. Most nights, when you finally go to bed, you are frustrated by your performance and vow to push through and stay focused tomorrow. You might start to notice behaviors like:

 

  • always working but unable to account for all the time you spent on a single graphic design
  • often changing directions on new projects
  • getting easily distracted by other, perhaps relevant, tasks
  • ignoring important maintenance tasks
  • always thinking about your project but without much action taken
  • comparing your results with others in a non-constructive way

 

What’s the result of these behaviors? Anxiety + stuck-ness + poor self talk

 

You keep trying to force your work because you’ve got a long list of vital tasks plus you are working to expand your business. You start to think once I get this project done, then I will be able to relax a little more. But I just gotta push through this now. I gotta make it happen!
 
So you start to work even more. You cancel your usual evening phone call with your sister and stay home all weekend. You are on your computer or your phone at every opportunity because there’s work to do! When someone questions you you get angry, defensive, and have thoughts like they don’t understand!
 
You try to use that frustration as motivation so you work even more until you suddenly crash.

 

  • You start sleeping through all your alarms
  • There is very, very short bursts of focus time throughout the day
  • You can’t muster the energy to do more than watch Netflix in the evening
  • The way you talk to yourself is largely negative
  • You might even get sick or develop constant headaches
  • Everything feels hard
  • You are easily frustrated by problems + people

 

It’s like you’re an airplane pilot and your engine just started on fire.
And it’s a cycle. The more you force yourself, the worse it gets.
So what’s going on?
 
I’m going to start with the way you think about yourself, your work, and the world around you. Your mental game has a huge impact on your creativity + your ability to focus on the important stuff and be productive. A mind that cultivates creativity + productivity will lead to consistency.

 

4 mindsets that could be killing your consistency:

 

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Mindset 1: FOMO

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The Fear Of Missing Out is a real thing. In fact, based on what I’ve seen in my kids, it starts around 2 years old when you suddenly start to emotionally experience the countless trade offs in life. My daughter went from quickly picking a shirt in the morning to wanting to wear all the things and getting weirdly upset when she only wore one shirt. Now at that age, she couldn’t actually understand the concept of a trade off. But you, my lovely + creative friend, CAN.

 

You can look at your unfinished list and walk away peacefully. The list will always be there – it will never just be “1 more thing and then I’m done!” Even when you launch a product, there will be last minute things you forgot and things you never even think of. That’s part of the adventure! You won’t miss out on the joy + full life you are working so hard for. In fact, you’ll realize you already have it when you untie your to-do list from your personal identity.

 

I know you want to be on all the social media apps and you want all the people to read your posts and you want to build an empire while also having the prettiest home ever. But running a business has trade offs. And you’re running a business – so you have to honor that. No, no. You get to honor that.

 

In a world where we are all over saturated and stretched thin, you get to say no to things. And even that can be flipped on its head. You get to say yes to your passion for creating something new that will make people happy. Say yes! And let that be a not right now to all those other things (or in the case of more social media, say no. I promise it’s ok).

 

Some trade offs are really hard. There’s a reason moms who return to work struggle with guilt. (And why some moms who stay home struggle with resentment + judgment). So let’s not downplay the mental + emotional struggle of missing out. But you get to choose for yourself – and you can thrive in that decision.

 

What do I do?

 
  • Acknowledge the trade off you’re making. If it’s the kind of heavy decision like go back to work or stay with your kids, remember that both are good things.
  • Compare each option to the vision you have for your business + your life. What is actually going to help you move forward in business, in relationships, in your influence on people’s hearts?
  • And finally, remember that saying yes does not mean you will always say no to the other thing. Instead, you are recognizing that this is not likely to be the only opportunity ever. You can reassess again later.

 

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Mindset 2: Perfectionism

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You know that the quality of your work is important – of course it is! It’s your brand! It’s your reputation! But all the details can keep you from moving forward.

 

There are certainly gradients here. Having an eye for the details and being straight up gifted at strategy are beautiful strengths that I wish I had. In this case, however, I’m talking about the kind of perfectionism that is driven by fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of looking like an amateur. Fear of failing.

 

 
Remember — fear makes sense. Your brain is trying to protect you from what it is interpreting as danger. Failure, looking foolish, etc. are all potentially harmful to your social standing – your brain is programmed to discourage such behavior. But it gets a little off track in our day-and-age. Your brain doesn’t know what’s most important all by itself. You have to tell it.

 

What do I do?

 
  • Notice that you are getting hung up on the unimportant.
  • Tell yourself “this is not important” – out loud.
  • Remember: you are developing in every area of life. As an adult, a business owner, a creative, a leader – everything! In some areas you will have reached a proficient level. In other areas you might still be an advanced beginner. That’s ok! That isn’t failure or foolishness. Trying to pretend you’re an expert when diy-designing your first ebook? That’s foolish.
  • Before you start a project, write down the outcome you are looking for — where is your business going? Then write down, starting with the end in mind, the steps you need to take. If you know details, write them down too. Everything you do should be lining up with that outcome and should move you forward to making it happen. If it doesn’t, leave it. You have an airplane to fly.

Related: 5 benefits of self-awareness

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Mindset 3: Victim

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A victim mentality involves various “woe is me” thought patterns. It’s a refusal to step up and take responsibility for your life and therefore shifting blame onto the circumstances and people around you. A person with a victim mentality will respond with “nobody understands!” when questioned on their work habits. In contrast there is what some call “creator mindset” in which a person takes responsibility for their life.
When you’re running a business there is always a long list of things to do. And because it’s your livelihood AND your baby, it takes diligent self-discipline to focus on a single task at a time and shut down the computer in order to enjoy the rest of your life.
A victim will never have enough time and always feel helpless when it comes to getting their business where they want it to be. This is where effective goal-setting and project management come into play. Having an effective plan in place for getting from A to B gives you a place to go when you start to see yourself playing the victim card.

What do I do?

 
  • Acknowledge that you are playing the victim
  • Practice gratitude – acknowledging all the unmerited awesomeness of your life is essential to snapping out of “woe is me.”
  • Remind yourself that you are not helpless – you might have a problem but problems can be solved. And you are strong, brave, and clever. You will figure it out or be able to find someone else who has handled it before.
  • Go back to your plan – what outcomes are you pursuing and what are the essential tasks? If you don’t have a plan, that’s your first essential task.
  • Let people in on your plan. Let them help you stay accountable to your plan. A victim uses “no one understands.” A leader + creator gets support.
 
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Mindset 4: Just do something

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Some of you might get a little feisty with me on this one but I see it all the time – in myself and in others. It’s this compulsion to charge ahead and “just DO something!!” because we know where we want to go but aren’t sure what the best step is to get there. “Just do something” often stems from a couple of beliefs: 1. If I don’t do something right this second I will miss my chance; and 2. It doesn’t really matter where I start because if I just push hard enough I will be successful.  

 

There are valid circumstances when this approach can be useful. Analysis paralysis can keep us standing still for a very long time. But for most business-related situations, you need a plan that you know will work. I’m not just talking from a “professional” standpoint. I’m talking mentally + emotionally you can’t afford to do things that don’t work. Applying force on the wrong part of the lever just leaves you tired and irritated. Will you meet up with failure? Yes, of course. You’re on a road toward expertise, remember? That means you won’t do everything perfectly the first time.

 

This blog is a pretty good example of what I mean. I knew generally the kind of business I wanted to build but I was struggling with what steps to take first. The ones that get me to making money aren’t necessarily best for my family (where my husband is in start-up phase with his software development + training company, Augment). I knew I needed an easy first step that would help me grow my skills, interact with people, and keep me engaged in my whole life. So I decided to begin with building up content and applying all that I know about stress + high performance to the audience I want to serve – creatives, bloggers, + business owners. In some ways I’m just doing something to get myself started. But it’s purposeful and on track with where I want to be headed.

 

The “just do something” mindset often leaves us spinning our wheels because we have no real confirmation that what we’re doing is going to get us where we want to go — and when we meet failure, we don’t know how to respond to it.

 

In contrast, planned out steps give you an anchor for when you come up against a difficult problem or you don’t get the intended results. You can go back and assess whether you missed a key piece of information or not. And you can remind yourself that building a long-lasting business does not happen overnight. When you have confidence in your path you can leave space for how long the journey actually takes and how much energy it requires.

 

 

What do I do?

 
  • Take notice – are you blindly jumping from task to task hoping it all leads up to a long-lasting business?
  • Remind yourself of your why + your goals
  • Remind yourself that you are capable of building a consistent + successful business.
  • Start researching the big ideas of a successful business. You’ve reached some level of success because you’ve got skills in your niche area but if you want to expand the strategy.
  • Consider hiring a business coach or strategist to help you get familiar with the principles of business + apply them to your direct context.
Categories
movement Self Care

How to boost your productivity this spring

Productivity is a little particular. With all the pretty instagram pictures of work spaces, we seem to have a general idea that our environment matters — that it impacts our mood, focus, and therefore, the quality of our work. But did you know that nature can also have a profound effect on our work quality? Since it is the first week of spring (and Minnesota actually seems to be joining in the spring party despite a forecast for snow), I’ve compiled a list of some of the reasons that you should spend more time outside – even when there is work to do. In fact, especially because there is work to do. If you want to boost your productivity, you gotta be willing to step away from the desk.
You might think that in order to be more productive you must spend more hours at your desk but in reality there's a better way. Read on for a natural, everyday method for boosting your productivity. More at: http://alisanelson.co
Gotta get back to work? Pin the image now to read later! Go here to pin directly from Pinterest!
Ready? Here we go. We’re going to run a simulation. Let’s pretend you’re going for a walk outside. Here are 4 things you can expect to experience:

 

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Presence of mind

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This may take a conscious effort at first but when you release your mind from planning or worrying about the future, you open up your mind to the stimuli your 5 senses are experiencing. Whether it’s listening to the birds, smelling the fresh blooms, or looking at the trees bud new leaves, your attention on the concrete world around you has an impact on your nervous system. Your body relaxes. A practice in mindfulness is said to reduce anxiety and depression as well as increase your ability to focus and fire up your creativity.
Related:
5 benefits of self-awareness 
4 sign posts for building self awareness into your day 
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Movement

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You might not think of walking as exercise but it certainly is – especially when compared to sitting at your desk. Research indicates a two-fold effect of exercise on the brain. First, in the regulation of growth factors. Down the cascade this impacts your brain’s ability to strengthen + form new neural connections in the brain. (Research has been done on the effects of exercise in seniors on the development of dementia + Alzheimer’s). For the creative entrepreneur, your brain on exercise will be able to make faster connections between your experiences and lead to greater creativity + innovation. The second effect on the brain is in the reduced risk of diseases that cause degeneration in the brain in the long-term. In addition, when you combine exercise with being outside, research indicates a positive effect on depression.

Related:
When self-awareness brings hard emotions
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Deep breathing

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Do you breathe while you check email? In recent years a term was coined by Linda Stone, “email apnea.” After observing it in herself and many others, she set out to bring awareness to the effects of shallow breathing, hyperventilating, and holding our breath while we work. Ultimately, it increases the stress we experience. The way we are breathing can trigger our sympathetic nervous system, which controls our fight-or-flight response. Taking a walk outside where you are breathing in the fresh air is an opportunity to relax your nervous system and remind your body that you are not in danger.

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Connection with the vibrant world around you

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There are effects of being outside that science can’t completely account for. It lowers our stress levels and we aren’t really aware of why, exactly. One possibility is that beyond what I’ve listed above, the scent of flowers such as lilacs and roses as well as fresh pine can all have an relaxing effect on our nervous systems. So you should literally stop and smell the roses, ok?

 

Entrepreneurship can take a toll on the body. Sleep deprivation, chronic stress, more likely to eat poorly and not drink enough water are just a few things that tend to be common practice amongst business owners. A daily walk is something that can have a serious impact on saving your body + your brain for the rest of your life. As little as a walk around the block with attention paid to your breath + the world around you can increase your focus, decrease depression + anxiety, boost your brain for stronger + faster connections, decrease your stress levels, and boost your creativity.

 

It’s a habit that, though small, can increase your enjoyment of these hustling days and remind you of why you do what you do as you take in the real, live world around you. Your creativity is vital, no matter what kind of business you run. But the compounding stress of handling a business can dramatically reduce new ideas. This is why it is so important for you to think about yourself as you plan out your day-to-day life. So go take a walk.
Sources:
Presence of mind:
Google talk by Dr. Ron Siegel
The Effect of Mindfulness-based therapy on anxiety and depression…
Movement:
Exercise builds brain health…
Vitamin D and Depression…
Deep breathing:
Just Breathe: Building a case for Email Apnea
Connecting to the vibrant world
Here’s proof going outside makes you healthier