Categories
Mindfulness and Cognitive Science

Why change is a good thing

Do you ever find yourself teeter-tottering between wanting to change and wanting to be content with who you are? It’s a common dilemma – and one that requires a mindset shift in how you think about – and implement – change.

Without realizing it, we can make change impossible. Whether through fear of setting our expectations too high or holding too tightly to the expectations we’ve set. But change isn’t a magic trick. It won’t suddenly appear because you wish for it while living life the way you always have.

Today we’re going to dive in to three things that will help push you over the edge from kinda-sorta wanting life to be different >>> taking the action required to grow and thrive in your individual context.

 

Tired of failing in your efforts to change? Here are 3 important components that you need in order to see change happen in your life. Read more at http://alisanelson.co

 

 

What to do when you really want to change

There are a lot of barriers to change. Too many to even account for all of them. And on top of that, I keep seeing women around me add an additional obstacle where they fear the desire for change. As if it is a sign of ingratitude or the absence of grace.

Here’s the thing: we are always changing. Humans take over two decades to fully develop and neuroscientists are still uncovering the ways the brain can change and grow all throughout our lives. We also demonstrate through history that discontentment with the status quo is a beautiful part of our culture. It brought us through the dark ages and into this period of time when we can actually fathom the possibility of future generations living on Mars. Change – and the pursuit of change – open our eyes to awe and wonder at the world around us as we continue to uncover its mystery.

A desire for change is not a judgment of the present. At least it doesn’t have to be.

A mindful + connected approach to change allows us to stay attuned to our present circumstances and make decisions with greater intentionality. When you are aware of your present self, your relationships, your dreams for the future, you can approach change with clarity and courage.

 

Ok so how? Here are 3 essential components to change:

 

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First, let’s consider moving beyond “grace not perfection”

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Nikki Elledge Brown often says, “It doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be shared.” And she is right. It’s why I chose to share the my first video a couple of weeks ago. It’s why I chose to tell people I would be posting the video before it was even ready. But there is a key point embedded in this phrase that we are going to pull out — the sharing doesn’t mean you never go back and consider how to improve. There’s an area of validity for sharing the stuff that turned out poorly…but it’s not black and white.

Ultimately, I shared the video I made a couple of weeks ago but chose not to share the one I made for this post. I enjoy making video and really want to keep doing it. But I know improvements need to be made — like in my systems and my technology — to accommodate my real life. The product for this video did not meet my standard – and I didn’t have time to reshoot.

Which way on the spectrum am I leaning then? Toward grace or toward perfection? I wouldn’t even use that scale. I would say I’m being intentional.

I often get into conversations with women who have been knocked down and have chosen to just roll in the mud. Taking knocks is a fact of life – and we can even end up having fun with it – but choosing to spend all our time on the ground because we’re “embracing” the mud is…not going to get you to the change you want. And will probably make you want to sling mud at others who have managed (for the moment) to stay clean.

At some point you have to look at the mess on your clothes and decide to wash up so you can get back to work. This is much easier to do when we expect things to be imperfect and also expect ourselves to get back up and attack the problem.

If you simply label something as “giving grace” or “perfectionism” then you add a big emotional cloud to the situation. Now you don’t know how to take action because you’re afraid of being a perfectionist but you also have a deep longing for change. By scrapping the “grace not perfection” frame of thinking we enable ourselves instead to set a standard of performance that fits our current capability.

This standard is specific to the person – because it takes into consideration their real life and their personal aspirations. If you want to make drastic changes and you’re willing to do the work, it will look like perfectionism to some. When I was a personal trainer I considered doing bodybuilding competitions – but as I familiarized myself with what it would take to get to the level I wanted, I realized that I wasn’t willing to pay that price.

On the opposite side, if chose to pursue bodybuilding competitions, then I would have to let go of some things in order to balance it out. By decreasing the standard of performance in another area, I release myself from the emotional / mental burden of overcommitment and excessive expectation.

How can you put this into action?

  1. Assess your current state and the non-negotiables in your life (you can’t abandon your kids to achieve a goal, right?)

  2. Manifest your expectations – you can’t set a standard if the goal is invisible

  3. Assess the cost – like nitty gritty what will it take and is that within reason for you…what will you have to let go of?

These steps allow you intentionally set a goal for change. Passive goals that heap guilt without the clarity of action steps for success won’t get you anywhere – except maybe further away from where you want to be. The more clarity you have on what your life can handle now – what actions, what sacrifices, etc. – the better you will get at setting goals. You can set a unicorn goal for the year — but it needs to be accompanied by smaller, appropriate action steps and clear indicators of success. Which leads to the next big idea.

 

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Second, don’t be afraid of assessment

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Assessment is often a dirty word. Especially when things like body image or performance are involved. But assessment does not mean judgment of you as a person. It’s actually not emotional at all. It’s a gathering of relevant data in order to see how you’re doing.

I’ve seen assessment free people (including myself) from self-judgment.

The way to know you’re moving toward your goal is to measure something. Take your end goal, work backwards, and you can identify the important checkpoints along the way.

It is best if these milestones are behavior-based. Which is why I think the best “goals” are actually the development of skills.

For example, maybe you want to eat healthier. You might think setting a goal for your weight or number of days eating at home is what you need but I would say what you actually need is the skill of identifying nutrient-dense foods and preparing them in a way you enjoy them. If you feel confident in yourself and enjoy the process, you’re going to change your habits. And it will happen in a more subtle way that makes it easier to sustain.

Smaller skills associated with cooking nutrient-dense food (this is a brain dump, not in any given order):

  • sourcing + buying fresh produce that fits your budget
  • rapid + precise chopping of vegetables
  • accurate timing in cooking of various meal components
  • effective seasoning
  • consistency in prep / cooking of meat
  • etc.

Do you see what this does? It takes the focus off of the stuff you can’t control and on to the skills themselves. Do you know what gaining skills like this can do? Help you enjoy the process of change. Personally, I recently hit a new level of pot roast. I improved the timing and the seasoning and seriously, it’s the meal I wish would never end.

It can feel tortuous to try and try to lose weight or reach a promotion. But when you avert your gaze to the stuff that will actually get you to the goal and give your attention to developing yourself, you gain a presence of mind that will yield so many more rewards than a smaller size (and if you apply good nutrition principles, you’ll probably get that too – assuming that is the healthy change).

 

How can you put this into action?

  1. Write down one of your current goals

  2. Rewrite it into a tangible + skill-based development

  3. Identify 3-5 checkpoints along the way that would indicate you are headed toward your goal

  4. Break those into smaller actions steps if needed + schedule them.

 

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Third, regularly “look up” to where you’re headed

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I’ve said it a lot throughout my blog already – you need to be aware of where you are actually headed. Not just in words but how will your life actually look and feel when you’ve reached your goal. It’s unbelievably easy to get sucked into someone else’s goal when you have a yearning for change but haven’t taken the time to define a tangible outcome.

One way you can cultivate this awareness of where you are going is through visualization. Youtube has a ton of guided visualizations that you can follow to gain a mental image of the person you want to become (just search “future self visualization”).

When you have a mental model of your future self, you can use it to make decisions

Take the example of my video. When I consider who I want to be – and what I want to be doing – in the next year or few years, I know that I need to move beyond curated sentences and into more live scenarios. So I’m choosing to start practicing now. How else will I become the woman I visualize but through doing the work here in the present when the opportunity presents itself?

 

Cuing yourself throughout the day to look at your bigger picture will help you stay focused on a day-by-day basis

The daily fires that we must put out do a really good job of keeping us distracted and stagnate. If you truly want to move forward in your life you must make the effort to pick up your head and make sure you’re still headed in the right direction. This includes making time for assessment – regularly checking in on your data in order to ensure you’re seeing the progress you want.

Build this cue into your morning and evening routines. Where you consider the destination you are pursuing before you jump into the day and before you wrap it up at night.

This practice also helps to tie your present struggles with a future reward. Present me is happy I put in the work the past 5 years in my own wellness journey. And I could say the same about my marriage, my relationship to my kids, my clarity in my professional goals, etc. All still a work in progress but all started because at some point I chose to do the work instead of just dream about waking up one day to a different life.

When we’re experiencing stress due to a problem our biochemistry can work to help us dig deep for focus and courage when we tie that obstacle to a deep desire. You have it in you, you just need to practice calling it out.

 

How can you put this into action?

  1. Visualize the person you want to become – go to Youtube or I also like this interview with Danielle LaPorte

  2. Identify 1 or 2 defining characteristics and break those down into skills, behaviors, and action steps like we did above.

  3. Set a reminder on your phone to tune back in to that vision and your current steps.

A note here: Don’t be afraid to develop skills that don’t feel snazzy or monumental. Working on your inner life and training yourself to focus better or be more present in your relationships doesn’t feel like a big return in terms of $$$ but they mean so much for your wellbeing AND create a foundation from which you can continue to grow personally. Most likely you are tuning into the stuff that’s really going to help you stay satisfied + connected in your real life. That’s something worth fighting for.

You next steps:

Leave a comment below and tell me 1 insight you’ve had from this post.

Categories
Neurobiology and Behavior Raising Capable Kids Self Care

How to transition from work to home

Life doesn’t stop just because you chose to pursue wellness. In fact, trying to maintain momentum during the busier times of life can often feel like the hardest part, right? Your wellness journey does not exist in a vacuum where you have ample energy, time, and resources to devote to your goal. Instead, you have to apply strategies to ensure that even on the longest days you aren’t defaulting back to where you began.

One such strategy is to focus your efforts on the places that will do the most work. You could heave a giant boulder by pushing on it with all your might or you could use a pole and apply leverage. Which would you rather do after a long day?

 

Are you tired of setting goals only to abandon them after a long day or a long week? It doesn't have to happen like that. Read on for strategies to help you transition from work to home PLUS a free guide containing 8 steps to RECLAIMING your evening after a long day. Read more: http://alisanelson.co

 

My guess is you’d prefer to use leverage. And today we’re going to talk about a huge way you can leverage your efforts for more effective action even in the midst of a full season. Because here’s the thing: If you wait until life “slows down” then you will likely never actually give your wellness the attention it needs…and you will end up on the burnout cycle over and over again.

Transitions provide space for escaping survival mode

As a mom I have learned the importance of transitions – of helping my kids move from good morning snuggles to breakfast to getting ready to leave the house, etc. When I apply my energy to helping them transition I am helping them move on to the next portion of our day with purpose rather than an aimless wandering.

I have to do the same for myself too. Without attention to the transition between putting the kids to bed and the rest of my evening, I end up scrolling on my phone instead of reading the book I was planning on.

Routine comes in handy during transitions.

As a routine becomes a habit it becomes automatic. My brain comes to expect it so I can skip over the “what should I do now?” and go right into my routine. All the actions that form my routine are grouped together – so instead of needing the willpower to do each individual thing, I complete a series of tasks.

For instance, a routine you might already have is to check social media when you wake up. You don’t have to tell yourself to go from Instagram to Facebook to Twitter to Email. You follow the steps automatically.

What if we used that to help you set a higher standard for your wellness on a day-to-day basis?

The evening transition from work to home is a very important transition. If you work all day it is likely the only time you have to do things outside of your job. But how often does a long day lead to eating whatever is easy in the fridge, skipping the workout you intended, and sitting on the couch the rest of the evening?

I know. Happens to me too.

In fact it’s one of the phrases I hear tossed around the most whether online or in person. It’s hard to do more than stare at the wall or binge watch Netflix.

Honestly? It’s so common we turn it into a verb and make jokes about it.

Heck, it’s so common Hulu uses it in its advertising! And we just smile + nod, “yes I do need Hulu Plus so I can binge watch tv instead of doing something valuable with my time.”

To be clear, “valuable” is not working overtime on your couch. I actually mean carving out real time to do the things you say you want to do – like learning a new song on the guitar or coloring in one of those books you bought 6 months ago or finally having that girls night. Those activities are highly valuable for rejuvenating your mind and spirit. They serve to help you become the person you wish you were.

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So how, then, do you transition from work to evening?

An effective transition routine is going to involve attention to three parts: your body, your mind, and your connections.

Let’s dig deeper:

How to help your body transition

Give your brain time to catch up – by zoning out.

All throughout the day you were taking in new information and your brain was trying to process it. This includes how events or people made you feel and your personal thoughts on a new project or team member. At the end of the work day, your brain needs to catch up. The tendency however, is to fill space with a screen of some kind. This ramps up the stimulation – overloading the brain. You need to stare out the window or walk in circles around your yard – just don’t try to direct your thoughts anywhere. No meditating or focus. Just let your mind go. (this takes practice).

Respond to physical needs: hydration, nutrient-dense foods, and restorative movement.

Drinking water and eating a good meal – whether it’s a snack right when you get home or if you go right into dinner preparations – will revive your body. The lull you feel after work might seem like it requires a boost of caffeine or sugar but between letting your brain catch up and nourishing your body, you will experience a revival. Note: if you don’t, you actually might need a power nap.

Restorative movement includes things like yoga, stretching, or a walk around the neighborhood. After a day of sitting it’s important to bring alignment back to your body and increase blood flow.

Finally, you might opt for a harder form of exercise

Rigorous movement can serve an important purpose in expelling pent up emotion and stress. Rather than wasting energy mulling over workplace drama or social media posts do some sprints, a quick kettlebell routine, or hit a punching bag. Trust my experience – it feels amazing. And you’ll walk into your evening feelings more powerful and alert.

How to help your mind transition

A mental download can help you clear the slate from the day’s problems or worries.

Perhaps after zoning out you realize you have a conflict you need to think through, verbal or written processing can help you determine a course of action and move on.

Schedule (or eliminate) tasks that didn’t get accomplished today.

Don’t let unfinished work hang over your head. It can lead to numbing behaviors or agitation toward others if it is allowed to go unchecked. Let this time also serve to redirect your focus. Is the task relevant to your priorities? Can it be saved for later? Can it be passed off? Why do you keep avoiding it? Can it be broken down into more actionable steps? Sorting through your list can save you time and energy later.

Finally, write down your plan for tomorrow

Include any preset appointments, the big tasks you need to get done, and any self-care you plan to do (exercise, time with friends, etc). This is a must-do item. Having a plan for tomorrow is a major way you can keep the stress of today from carrying over into the morning.

How to build connections

Re-establishing a connection with your own purpose and your important relationships is essential to recovering from stress. You are free to make decisions and spend your time in a way that aligns with who you really are and who you want to be when you are connected.

  1. Do a short check-in with yourself
  2. Celebrate the ways you stayed on track or moved forward in your goals
  3. Spend time doing creative expression – color, cook, read a favorite book, write for fun
  4. Remind yourself that you aren’t alone by reaching out to a friend.This is more than fishing for encouraging words or compliments, it’s an opportunity to get a new perspective. It’s valuable to pick your head up and see what’s going on outside of your own life – beyond what someone chose to publish on Facebook for the day.
  5. Encourage someone else.Whether you write a note, send a text, or make a phone call, choose to be what you want others to be for you. Refuse to isolate yourself from the burdens of others and instead remind them that YOU are there for THEM. Because we’re all in this together.

Making this YOURS involves experimentation.

No need to try to do everything at once (or ever), as you get to know your own needs you will start to see what is most valuable in helping you transition from a long day at work to an intentional evening. The most important piece is that you refuse to accept a dud evening as normal. Might still happen occasionally (I recommend going to bed early then) but you can still raise your baseline. This isn’t a step away from grace for yourself after a long day, it actually shows greater self-love when you refuse to let the stress of today carry over into tomorrow.

What to do next:

Click the image below to get this blog post in step-by-step format. You’ll also be signed up for the Lab Notes Community where we do things a little differently. I’m not going to fill your inbox with fluff – we’re going to work together to move you toward your goals and shift you into action. Click below and get your first taste of survival mode freedom.

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Categories
Mindfulness and Cognitive Science Neurobiology and Behavior

5 steps to staying consistent in your goals

Raise your hand if you wish you could wake up tomorrow and have already conquered those dreams you have. Maybe you’re hoping to make 2017 your year of health. Or maybe you’re in the process of pursuing a career in the field that lights you up.

Here at alisanelson.co I talk a lot about the value of self-awareness – but a mega-downside of being aware of where you are and where you want to go is the discomfort you experience when it takes a long time to reach the other side. That saying “ignorance is bliss” is not a joke. No matter where you are on your journey the gap always feels too big, right?

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Walking the talk

Publishing video on my website has been on my mind for a long time and what better time than when I get to talk about being on the path toward growth. The mind finds ways around trying new things because that involves uncertainty.

Even as I’ve prepared to publish this post it’s been a test of how much do I really believe the stuff I say – am I actually willing to put something up that isn’t polished yet? Am I willing to come out from behind my writing and show that there’s a real person here trying to grow skills alongside everyone else?

So I’ve followed the five steps I’m sharing in today’s video.

 

 

Growth requires tension

If you want to step into 2017 with greater confidence in your capability to follow through and see success, then this video is for you. Remember how I said it’s important at the start of any journey to remember that you are an organism? A machine can go from scraps to completion in a matter of days. Hours, even.

But not you.

If you want to truly become something different than you are now – not a simple filter or outward image to portray but bone-marrow-deep real change, then you must master staying with something even when it feels uncomfortable. Even when it means showing someone your unpolished, just-starting-out self.

 

Today’s video is just under 8 minutes and even includes an unpolished “don’t hit mommy” moment. Because real human life, ya’ll. And to help you start putting it into your own context, I made an action book for you. And it’s even editable so you can get started right away if you’re about ready to jump ship on your dreams for change. No email required, just click the button and start writing.

CLICK HERE TO GRAB YOUR ACTION BOOK NOW

 

Here’s the big idea

Consistent movement toward a goal requires little steps along the way that prime your brain to focus in on the target. Rewards feel good and by racking up small wins you can teach your brain that growth actually feels good. Making it less of an obstacle and more of a lifestyle.

With each of the 5 steps I mention in the video you are putting your energy where it matters most – getting your brain on board with living life a new way. By answering your built-in need for human connection, predictability, and long-term benefit you set yourself up for success during that in-between time that feels so uncomfortable. Now you’re free to fully engage in the process of living your life and growing because you have taken the steps to normalize it.

 

Now it’s your turn

In the comments below I want you to tell me which step is the most difficult for you right now. I’d love to help you start to bust through those blocks so you can keep on the path to growth. If you’d rather talk privately, send me an email (alisa@alisanelson.co). I’d love to talk over email or jump on a Skype call and talk face-to-face. Seriously. No sales pitch, just two humans strategizing on how you can take a step forward.

CLICK HERE TO GRAB YOUR ACTION BOOK NOW
Categories
Mindfulness and Cognitive Science Neurobiology and Behavior Raising Capable Kids

How to connect with strangers for better cooperation

Human connection can best be described as the love, belonging, and empathy that exists between two people or a group of people. It’s interesting actually because we categorize these to the spiritual realm – in the Church we call it “community” – but it is also observable by scientists. Special parts of our brains light up and synchronize with the people we are “in community” with. We connect and resonate.

 

That connection paves a way for cooperation AND it meets a deep human need for social living. When we have genuine connection, the brain is free to focus on solving problems and growing new skills. But without it, we suffer the consequences of survival state.

 

We often hear how connection takes time. Building trust in a relationship where both parties feel seen + loved is hard to come by in short bursts.

 

For those who spend the majority of their time serving people they will only meet occasionally – but require cooperation — the question becomes, how do you experience that connection described above with a stranger? Today I hope to give you an effective way forward.
Human connection is an essential element to achieving a collective goal AND overall wellness. Your brain craves it. But what if you spend most of your time with strangers? Read on for strategies. More at http://alisanelson.co

 

But first, why do we really care about human connection?

 

The biggest reason is because we are wired for it. Social connection is a basic need – demonstrated by a newborn baby. Even with an immature brain the social centers are active helping them form attachment to their parents and training them to cry when that attachment feels absent. And we know it carries on into adulthood – just ask any mother about her compulsion to pick up her crying babe.

 

The mammalian brain has adapted in order to increase its probability of survival. And in the words of social psychologist Dr. Matthew Lieberman, the brain bet on our being social. We even have a warning system that goes off when we experience social isolation or rejection. The neurotransmitter serotonin is used by the brain to motivate us to take action when it senses a loss in social status or connection. The hormone oxytocin pushes us to seek social support during times of stress.

 

What does connection do for us?

 

Let me tell you a secret about me. Ok, it’s probably not really a secret because if we met you’d see it right away. I’m a nervous-laugher. And it can get really bad. From people talking to me about my kids in the grocery checkout to meeting a new person at church, I have a hard time keeping myself from just filling the void with my nervous laugh. I blame it on my Relator strength. It gives me a strong desire to empathize…but doesn’t necessarily mean I’m very good at it.

 

I think I laugh for a couple of reasons. The first is that giggling releases endorphins – I can only assume my brain picked up the habit at some point and the release feels good, so it stuck around. The second reason is that laughter is a way to build connections with people. When someone is saying silly things to my kids (that they don’t understand), my laughter shows them that I don’t consider them a threat. I may not know what to say but I recognize they mean no harm and they can walk away enjoying my kids’ smiles instead of my scowling or confused face.

 

This is the same reason I laugh at my daughter’s jokes. She’s gotten pretty good at telling them but also, I want to respond in a way that shows her there is space for her to be silly. She belongs here. She is loved and seen.

 

When she feels that deep sense of belonging she can focus better. She is more cooperative. She is kinder to her brother. She asks for help to solve problems as if we’re a team.

 

In people-focused work, you need all these things too. You need engaged and connected people. Whether they are kids or adults. But how do you do that if you only see them for a few minutes? Or only once every week / month / year?

 

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First — Recognize that most people are stressed out

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Most people are stressed about something. Whether it is directly related to you or not, you can expect they have other things on their minds + hearts. Stress acts to bring our attention inward – as we become hyperfocused on our own pain. This disconnects us from our environment and the people around us.

 

What’s more, feeling alone in an unfamiliar place brings uncertainty. Making them feel vulnerable. What’s our reaction to vulnerability (in most cases)? Pull in even more. Control, deflect, numb.

 

When you approach a person who feels distant, unkind, or selfish the best starting point for making connection is to let all that go. If you respond accordingly, you will further alienate the person, and you’ll walk away feeling pretty crappy as well. But internally recognizing that this person has a story that you don’t yet know opens you up to be curious and kind.

 

This also tells your own stress system (the one getting fidgety over this person who seems to be rejecting you) that you don’t need to feel threatened. That you have what it takes to overcome this obstacle. In turn your brain will focus its energy on solving the problem rather than on your own controlling, deflecting, and numbing habits.

 

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Second —  Make genuine small talk

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Cue eye roll. I know “small talk” is commonly put down. Especially by those of us who want a reputation of being all deep and stuff. I’m talking about me, ya’ll. Working on it. But small talk is a powerful tool in the pursuit of human connection.

 

Questions like “how was your weekend” and “how’s your family” can be ok entry points. But when you ask a person a question about their day or their lives it needs to be accompanied by nonverbal signals that you actually intend to listen.

 

We all know what it’s like – the friend who says “how are you?!” as they blow right past you with no intention to hear your answer. Versus the friend who asks the very same question but we sense intuitively that they are present + focused on your reply.

 

You can be that person. Even to strangers.

 

When I worked at Starbucks I was surrounded by seasoned baristas. And it was instantly clear who the store favorites were. They were the men and women who made an effort to look at customers, remember names, and ask follow up questions about yesterday’s interview. Customers lingered at the bar, celebrated our birthdays with us, asked for pictures of our kids, told us stories about theirs, and we bought their girl scout cookies. One even gave my husband’s new business a shout out when he launched a kickstarter campaign.

 

All because when we asked “what’s going on today?” — and they answered — we listened and asked more questions. 

 

My favorites were the quiet ones. I tried hard to not be intrusive but wanted them especially to know that even they are seen. They don’t need to be loud or share their life story, but I see them, they belong here too, and we are so grateful for their presence.

 

You know what also happened at that store? We’d serve well over 100 customers in a couple of hours. So I’m not talking about a handful of regulars that would sit around and chat politics. I’m talking dozens that we would interact with for maybe two minutes from the time they ordered a drink to when they left.

 

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Third — Help them into the present moment

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We mostly operate on habits. It is energy-saving for the brain. Then, in new situations, we depend on previously established models for how to interact and behave. Mental models composite themselves whether we are aware of it or not.

 

The formation of mental models is incredibly important. They help us survive and decrease the burden of our environment as information is compressed into one big image rather than many discrete parts. The downside is we stop engaging in the way we think about our environment – and therefore how we feel about it. We stop considering how our mental model might need some updating.

 

When a stressed out person approaches you, it is very likely that they are interacting based on habit. This means that while they talk to you, answer your questions, and complete the necessary tasks they are not really interacting with YOU. They are interacting with the “you” of their mental model. That could be based on a person they met years ago or an experience they can’t even remember triggered by the way you greeted them. The brain is crazy, right?

 

So you have the opportunity now with this information to alter your approach. Invite them out of autopilot. The small talk you use, the environment of your office, the way you make eye contact – these can help to coax a person into the present moment.

 

Of course you can’t force a person to be present. But you can set the tone by being present yourself. Talking to yourself about what you see, getting curious about another person’s world, simulating in your mind what their life might be like. These are all actions that the brain is actually really good at but like any muscle it must be used to become prominent.

 

When you are present you become naturally more empathic because your brain is tuning in to the immediate environment rather than functioning off of old scripts and habits. With empathy we get connection.

 

And with connection we get cooperation and a better sense of wellbeing for all.

 

You can make this a new habit for yourself. Cuing yourself every time you hear the door open or when go refill your water bottle (or coffee cup) consider one of these prompts:

  • take note of how you are feeling
  • remind yourself why you are doing this work.
  • Look for something right this second that you genuinely appreciate.
  • Connect your current work day with your future goals as a necessary piece in your personal story.
  • Think of your biggest supporters.

 

Each of these can act to pull you back into the present moment and ground you in the midst of stress. These are also associated with our basic need for social standing and support. In turn they can stimulate the release of neurotransmitters that will help you respond better to stress and give you a rush of good feelings (making presence of mind feel good).

 

Action steps:

Self-awareness:

  • Consider your own experiences – where have you felt welcomed, seen, understood? How has that affected your behavior and emotional outlook?
  • What is your current behavior like at work? How do you greet people? What is the usual result?
  • Have you seen an instance where the way you approached a person seemed to bring them out of their shell? What did you do?
  • How do you currently think about the people you interact with at work or around town? Start noticing the thoughts you have first and how those thoughts impact your openness to them.

    Related post: 5 benefits of self-awareness

 

Small talk:

  • Challenge yourself in the small talk department – start to ask follow up questions and make eye contact.
  • Put more thought into your comments + questions — weather and the weekend tend to be favorites but is there something else you can ask that will get more than an “oh yea I like the fall colors too”?

    Related post: 3 things you should know when you work with people

 

Staying present:

Wrapping up —

It doesn’t take much to help a person move beyond uncertainty + isolation —–> connection + cooperation.

It’s important to keep your efforts focused on what you can control – and that’s your own state of mind. Remembering that people are naturally preoccupied by other stuff, being intentional with your small talk, and keeping your brain awake so you can respond appropriately to the moment will help you gain trust even in only a few minutes time.

 

Categories
movement Nutrition and Meal Prep Self Care

How to get started on your own wellness journey

How do you become the person you want to be? How do you take that image of your life that’s buried deep in your mind – possibly feeling like a long lost dream – and start to bring it into reality? A key ingredient to any “transformation” story involves a moment when the person first began to believe they could become the person they wanted to be. Perhaps it was through a health scare, a personal intervention, or the encouragement of trusted voices – each story is unique but contains this turning point where the status quo becomes unacceptable. You love your work. But it’s burning you out. It’s time to find balance + connection to yourself and your mission on your very own wellness journey.

We all love transformation stories. But how do you inspire your own life change? Learn the first step to starting your own wellness journey. Growth happens when we learn to give our own bodies, hearts, and minds what they need. Read more at alisanelson.co

 

How can you encounter that moment for yourself?

Redefine “normal”

I want to tell you something: It starts with you. You looking at you. Your needs, desires, and where you are at in both right this minute. It’s tempting to look somewhere else – at your job, your kids, your relationships, your community – and try to arrange them *just so*. It’s harder to assess our own selves. Our behaviors, how we spend our time, the beliefs we hold that keep us from doing for ourselves what we really need to thrive and be truly effective in our work.

 

But I also see you setting too-low of expectations for yourself. Namely, for your level of well-being.

 

Sure, we joke about it all the time in our various spheres — that spread-too-thin feeling that comes just a little bit before the kids are in bed, or in the final weeks before Christmas break. I’ve come across plenty of memes and hilarious tweets giving accurate description to how our energy and passion ebbs and flows throughout the year. With the sad reality being a multitude of people living below their potential while they numb out on social media or Netflix because they can’t figure out how to nudge their lives into a sustainable rhythm of pouring out, taking in, and growth.

 

Don’t let these trends tell you what is normal.

 

Only having enough energy to make it to the closing bell or to the kids’ bedtime is surviving. We want more for ourselves.

 

Build a picture of where you are right now.

It’s difficult to go on a journey without a map. And maps require a starting point.

In our context we’re talking about a journey to better balance + connection in your life. We want to move beyond burn out into the habits and skills that allow you to continually expand your capacity for pouring out by paying special attention to replenishing your stores.

We often hear the word “self-care” thrown out around this time. I should know, I use it myself. But I tend to expand the word beyond taking physical care of your body. A massage or nightly face-mask sounds great but let’s dig deeper. Self-care is anything + everything you need to do to help yourself keep going on your mission. Maybe you can’t rattle off your very own mission statement but we’re talking about that thing you are investing yourself in. Might be your work, might be your kids — whatever it is, seeing your dream come to fruition requires a level of performance you won’t find by accident.

 

Self-care might look like:

  • The number of hours you sleep in any 24-hour period
  • The amount + style of physical movement you do each day
  • Calming techniques throughout the day that help you release anxiety + refocus your energy
  • The steps you take to keep yourself from getting distracted during the work day
  • The frequency + the way you spend time with loved ones
  • Your personal strategies for coping with disappointment, rejection, or unforeseen obstacles
  • How you prepare for the week / month / year ahead
  • What projects / roles you say yes to
  • The foods you eat throughout the day
  • Your morning + evening routines
  • The way you go about solving problems that pop up day-by-day
  • And more

 

In each area of your life you are taking stock of what will move you forward – increasing your own fulfillment as well as you efficacy. This information will help you start to see where your current journey is taking you. That clearer picture is what we need in order to draw a map from now —-> where you want to be. That is how you bring life to your wellness journey.

 

So, what’s the first step to starting a personal wellness journey?

We certainly can’t start to tackle every area of your life at once! You may have even tried that already. Research indicates that the best place to start when looking for change is to assess your starting point. Where are you now – what situations currently lead to a sense of fulfillment and what circumstances tend to leave you feeling lost, stuck, or confused? Then, you can start to zero in on these various circumstances and build the understanding + skills necessary to bring about the desired outcome.

Remember: We call this a journey because it takes a gradual one-step-in-front-of-the-other approach. The learning of new skills that develop into habits is its own beautiful science because it’s not a one-and-done kind of thing.

 

Your homework:

I’ll close our time together today with questions to get you started building your own self-awareness. The important thing is that you start to get curious about your current self – and that you be honest. You cannot grow if you aren’t willing to take a close look at the input / output of your life.

 

  1. What events or habits (that you currently have) leave you feeling refreshed + ready for action?
  2. What events or habits leave you feeling calm or content? What does the transition look like between these actions → getting back to work?
  3. What activities have you seen yourself grow in throughout the past few months? Where have you intended to grow but haven’t seen much progress?
  4. What behaviors do you tend to fall back on when you feel stressed? Sleeping more? Netflix? Eating out? Spending more time alone? Easily irritated?
  5. When you simulate the above behaviors and trace them backwards, what kinds of things tend to trigger them? Asking yourself what’s for dinner? Hearing your kids fight? Looking through Instagram? A difficult day at work?
  6. Write down a typical day in your life. You could even do this as the day progresses. How many times do you hit snooze, how often are you picking up your phone to check email/social media, how often are you experiencing those moments of awe + wonder that make our efforts feel worth it (and what situations does it tend to happen in), how do you feel prior to lunch / dinner, what’s your pre-bed routine, etc.
  7. What do you think about right before you fall asleep? What are your thoughts as you first wake up? What about at the end of the work day?
Categories
Mindfulness and Cognitive Science Raising Capable Kids

How to really establish your expertise

You’ve likely heard it over and over again — narrow down into a niche and position yourself as an expert.

Today I’m here to tell you, from the brain science perspective, what it really takes to be an expert in your niche. It’s more than blogging about a range of topics relevant to your niche and it’s more than being quoted in the media. It’s way cooler than that, actually.

 

As a business owner it’s your job to solve problems. There is a method to problem solving that will put you on the track to becoming a real expert in your niche. Here are the characteristics of an expert-like learner versus a non expert-like learner. Read on to see why the way you respond to being wrong and the effort you take to understand the problem are two big indicators in whether you will actually become an expert or if you just claim to be one. Read more at http://alisanelson.coPin that image, girl boss! Or click here to pin directly from Pinterest.

In any domain we can all see that there are those who have knowledge + experience, then there are those who have knowledge, experience, and also this indescribable ability to do everything better. Doctors, entrepreneurs, musicians, athletes. The first will still go on to be a good doctor but the second will go on to extend what it means to be a doctor. Why?

Well I’m all about focusing on the 20% (most significant / important information) and here’s what it is:

What scientists have found is that it comes down to how they learn. How they go about acquiring new skills like responding to a crisis in the operating room or diagnosing a patient.

Whaaa? Yes. The way they approach a problem is different than their peers.

 

Getting a better picture of the expert at work

You see, every single one of us forms an idea about how the world works. As we gain new knowledge or experience, we fit it into our mental model of the world (or that specific domain). But the method of how that new piece fits is different between the expert and the non-expert. And to help us get a good understanding I’m going to use an analogy of putting a puzzle together. First, let’s talk about how we put puzzles together:

When you start a new puzzle, do you just start trying to put pieces together or do you first study the box? Do you categorize the pieces? Often you see someone begin with the border, then move on to the bigger sections (the main image or the very colorful ones), then they fill in the details or the more mono-colored pieces (like the sky or the snow).

Why is that an effective method? The edge pieces are of course easy to spot and the big, colorful parts of the picture are easier but I observe that there are deeper principles afoot:

  1. Establishing the border constrains the puzzle. It gives you a concrete edge in which all the remaining pieces must fit. The border acts as your first frame of reference.

  2. Moving next to the big, colorful spots you are able to get a clear orientation to the puzzle. This helps you to be able to start predicting where pieces go as you begin to envision how this first image affects the other elements of the big picture (like distance, perspective, orientation, etc). (Psychologically speaking, these first two steps also tend to build morale. Small wins and rapid succession of success boosts you enough to be more patient with the more difficult pieces).

  3. Finally, putting the rest of the sky together is made easier (most of the time) because it is more like filling in space. You’ve acclimated yourself to the tone of the puzzle so slight variations in color are easier to see and the unique shapes of the pieces are easier to identify. Since this is often the part of the puzzle where the box fails to be helpful, having the established reference points and familiarity with the puzzle helps you continue to be successful.

 

If you’ve read my previous posts on problem solving and learning, you might be starting to make the connections between a puzzle and learning:

  • Understand what the problem is and establish the desired outcome
  • Identify key concepts and language within the domain
  • Use these first two steps to fill in the details, doing small dips into research on these more detailed elements.

These first two steps anchor you so that when the more detailed pieces become important, they don’t cause you to get lost, stuck, or confused.

So you want to be an expert in your niche?

This is how a woman becomes a real expert. The puzzle might be a picture of entrepreneurship, or it might be her specific domain as a graphic designer or biz coach, or it may be a specific project like building her first training program. No matter the scale, the expert-like learner will constrain the problem, gain orientation to the language + the various elements involved, and use those anchors to fill in the details. Also:

  • They will refer to the prior art (the box) — and not someone else’s unfinished puzzle.
  • They will not assume they understand the puzzle just because they got the border together.
  • They will not start with the sky.
  • They will not try to place single, random, stand-alone pieces on the table as if they know exactly where they belong.
  • They will not assume that the next puzzle can just be thrown together because they figured this one out (they use the same method every single time, even with the same puzzle).
  • They remove pieces to be reconsidered when a new piece starts to make it look out of place.

Related:
Why you keep obsessing over social media
How to turn self-doubt into an asset

So…is this how you solve a problem?

Let’s take one last look at that idea of a mental model I mentioned at the beginning of this adventure. You have a model in your mind of what it looks like to be a graphic designer or a biz coach or how to create your next product. And because you are still young – even if you’ve been building your biz for a handful of years already – your mental model is incomplete. Do you see it that way? Are you continuing to carefully reference the box and consider the border or are you assuming your puzzle is done? Are you open to having a piece in the wrong position and willing to remove it so it can be placed correctly?

You care about your clients. You’re here, at this point in your life + career, because you want to make a difference in people’s lives and you want to grow into the type of person that people can depend on and even look to for guidance and encouragement.

Related:
4 ways to improve your focus throughout the day
Get consistent: 4 mindsets hurting your business

Take action:

Look at the domain where you repeatedly feel lost, stuck, or confused. Have you done the border work or are you neck-deep in anchor-less details? Take a step toward building that border:

  1. Write down the bigger problem – you have an outcome in mind for your biz or for your clients, now what obstacles are standing in the way?

    Example: Are you dreaming of building a course about a certain topic but wondering how to ensure people buy it before you waste your time? One of your bigger problems here is: How do I effectively influence people? What builds trust between producers and consumers? What are people looking for when they buy something?

     

  2. Write down all the words you can think of that relate to that problem and outcome.

    Influence, building trust, marketing, consumer behavior, positioning, etc.

     

  3. Look beyond other bloggers.

    Influencing other people or any other business topic is going to have principles that transcend our fast-paced online business world. Bloggers will give you the detailed steps to follow but it’s rare for them to teach you the underlying principles. When you look at the bigger principles, the details will become much more obvious.

 

So tell me in the comments — is this how you put a puzzle together? Does that analogy reveal anything new or interesting about how you go about learning?

 

Categories
Mindfulness and Cognitive Science Neurobiology and Behavior Raising Capable Kids

How to stop obsessing over social media

Earlier this week we looked at WHY we tend to obsess over social media – clicking over to Facebook or scrolling through Instagram every time there’s a lull in our work. Today we’re looking at HOW TO STOP. It’s not quite enough to tell yourself that you will only check it twice per day…I’ve got 6 conditions that need to be satisfied in order for scheduled check-ins to be successful!

As I said in this blog post (go read it if you haven’t!), our reaction to social media notifications is similar to a drug addicts response to building drug tolerance. So how do people effectively overcome a drug addiction?

 

We covered WHY you obsessively check your social media...but how do you create a healthy balance between growing your business and not getting obsessed? Many recommend limiting yourself to just a couple check ins per day but that only works if you're satisfying these 6 conditions. Are you setting yourself up for success or are you wasting time obsessing over your social media profiles? Read on to save time. http://alisanelson.co

Pin that image so your fellow girlbosses stop wasting their time too!

If you took the first step and started building awareness around your social media distraction then you’ve moved it from unconscious thought to conscious — that’s huge.

So how do we solve the problem?

The next step in problem solving (after understanding the problem) is to look at other similar kinds of problems and investigate the use of its solution. In the case of checking social media every time you start to feel a little stuck or bored, addiction is a good comparison.

In my searching, genuine relationships appear to be the best form of recovery from addiction.

Relationships provide

  1. a way for the addict to gain better self-awareness,
  2. the support + connection a person is usually seeking under the surface, and
  3. purpose to following through.

All three of these characteristics are also key to handling any kind of stress well. So it seems plausible to use these solutions for our issue with digital notifications and their effect on our creativity + productivity.

Related: How to turn self-doubt into an asset

Putting the plan into our context

You’ve likely heard others talk about scheduling when they check social media. I think this has an area of validity so if we add a few things to it, it can serve you well in your business. Here’s when I think it works:

  1. You understand the the compulsion to scroll through pictures is due to chemicals in your brain, not because there is anything life-or-death happening.
  2. You are well-connected to other people whom you feel understand you and support your work.
  3. You have meaningful work that is making progress.
  4. As you establish the new habit, you are self-aware of what triggers your desire to jump on Instagram and actively talk to yourself about why you don’t need to do it.
  5. You choose a constructive + creativity-boosting alternative after recognizing you feel stuck or you’re doubting yourself.
  6. You practice having an abundance mindset: social media can wait./

By satisfying these conditions and forming a plan for when they are not satisfied, I think scheduling one or two specific times when you are checking on social media can be highly effective. You will need to test out what you need after you’ve finished. Meditation or a walk or less-demanding work may be necessary to help you transition back into focused + creative tasks like writing. And this can be applied to other areas as well like email and text messages.

So let’s walk through those conditions.

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You understand the the compulsion to scroll through pictures is due to chemicals in your brain, not because there is anything life-or-death happening.

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Stress in your work can trigger your fight-or-flight stress response. If you’ve conditioned yourself to mentally check out whenever stress arises – even if just for a little while – you’ll need to build awareness around that behavior. Starting with recognizing that it’s a chemical surge in your brain that is directing your attention to social media. Your brain has been wired to see it as a solution. Whatever reason you tell yourself for why you need to check instagram for the twentieth time today is really just an excuse.

Unless of course you actually do have a reason – but then it’s not just a distraction, right?

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You are well-connected to other people whom you feel understand you and support your work.

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Social media can be a great connector. It can also be a cover for real-life-isolation. Whether you are introverted or extraverted, you need people. Our brains are even programmed to seek out security within a tribe. So if in real life you are feeling insecure in your relationships, the pull to social media – where your followers are praising your work and seeking your engagement – will be stronger.

On the flip side, if you are investing in real-life community — people whom you see face-to-face or talk with over Skype — social media is going to be an easier distraction to overcome.

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You have meaningful work that is making progress.

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Purpose is a major influencer. As a business owner you probably had a big reason to put yourself through all the stress of working for yourself. You probably have a future vision in mind that keeps you going when you think about quitting. Are you letting that through in each project you take on? Are you creating a course simply because someone told you to or is it serving your bigger vision? If it’s in line with your bigger vision remind yourself of it! Keep it front and center as you work so you can channel the stress of the struggle toward creating your best work.
If you are struggling and your project isn’t making progress you will be more likely to move on to less important tasks, like instagram or twitter. It’s discouraging to feel like you’re not getting anywhere. Rather than force yourself to struggle (or disengage from the project), look again at the problem you are trying to solve and the outcome you want. Do you have all the information you need? Is there someone you could reach out to who has the skill you’re trying to hack?

Related: 4 steps to solving problems like a pro

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As you establish the new habit, you are self-aware of what triggers your desire to jump on social media and actively talk TO yourself about why you don’t need to do it.

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Stephen Covey talks about how easily we get distracted by urgent, unimportant tasks. He concludes that a sign of a highly effective person is that they focus on the important tasks (and know how to distinguish between types of tasks). What you really want right now is the expected outcome of your project or task – so figure out a way to get that rather than letting yourself get distracted by social media.

You’re not solving the right problem when you disengage from an important task to do an urgent / unimportant one. You’re just wasting your energy.

Related: 4 mindsets hurting your business

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You choose a constructive + creativity-boosting alternative after recognizing you feel stuck or you’re doubting yourself.

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Your creativity is stalling and you’re losing focus because you feel stuck, you’re doubting yourself, etc. That is the worst time to get on instagram and start scrolling through perfectly styled images! Your brain needs a break. So reduce the stimulation and step away. Get present and take a few deep breaths.

Better to go outside and spend 30 minutes people-watching then to scroll through images in rapid fire.

Related: 15 super-easy self care ideas for creative entrepreneurs

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You practice having an abundance mindset: social media can wait.

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It’s not going to be gone forever. People won’t revoke their likes just because you haven’t responded yet. It can wait.

Really. It can wait.

Not indefinitely – in fact you know exactly when you will get to it. Because it’s scheduled. (And hey! With all the new algorithms, you don’t have to worry about missing your favorites in your feed!)

When each of these conditions are met, you can and should be successful in scheduling 1 or 2 social media check-ins throughout the work day. These will likely be longer because you’ve got an outcome in mind so you aren’t just endlessly scrolling.
As far as the time of day you check, I recommend afternoon and evening based on what I know about trying to create after consuming rapid-pace media but being home with kids all day I’m still working on fine-tuning my own schedule.

So tell me in the comments, will you try scheduling your social media check-ins?

Categories
Neurobiology and Behavior

Why you keep obsessing over social media even when you know you shouldn’t (+ free workbook)

Picture this:

You’re sitting at your desk and while struggling through writing content for your new ebook you decide to check Instagram. When you open the app on your phone, a big orange rectangle pops up in the bottom corner telling you that you have 40 new likes, 10 new followers, and 10 comments. A smile stretches across your face. You were testing out some new hashtags and these are exciting results. So you start going through them and momentarily forget all about your writing.

You start to transition back to your ebook (30 minutes later) but your mind is still buzzing with those numbers. You struggle to regain focus. Within a few minutes you pick up your phone again and open up that app and this time there’s another dozen new likes. But inside you feel yourself deflate a little bit. Now when you turn back to write your ebook you find it impossible to stay focused and besides all your inspiration is gone so you start clicking through blog posts about Instagram and eventually anything that catches your eye.

Sound familiar?

Why does this happen? What’s going on and how do we make it stop?

These are the questions I’ll be answering in today’s post.

Do you find yourself on social media whenever you start to drift in your focus? Here we're using the science of human behavior to understand WHY it happens even when you know you shouldn't. Plus download a free workbook and start building new habits that will boost your creativity + productivity. Social media doesn't have to be the bad guy. Regain your focus and your drive. More at http://alisanelson.co/blog

First, we understand.

Notifications – mobile + desktop, push + in-app – are designed to get your attention. That’s kinda the point right? And they do a bang-up job. Whether it’s email or social media or text messages or slot machines (whaaa?? Yes.), the brain science is all along the same lines.

First piece of data: notifications (and slot machines) give what psychologists call variable-ratio rewards. An unpredictable reward that increases your anticipation of receiving it so you return frequently in hopes that this will be the time to receive the reward. Like our example above with the Instagram notifications, your brain is programmed to boost dopamine in anticipation to checking your social profiles because some time previously you received a great reward – like new followers or maybe even a client inquiry.

A study done in monkeys shows the same response. When the monkey does work, he receives a reward. A look at his neurochemistry shows that during the work dopamine is spiking, motivating him to do the work in anticipation of a reward. When a new experiment is run in which the monkey only receives the reward 50% of the time, dopamine skyrockets.

There is greater anticipation — greater motivation to pursue the reward — when the reward is not guaranteed BUT occurs often enough to feel possible.

Important note: we can also convince ourselves of a greater probability. That’s what casinos do – making it appear that the odds are 50/50. If you understood the real odds you wouldn’t give them any money.

 

Second piece of data: we are always pursuing happiness. Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins are all chemicals that our brains use to condition our behavior for the sake of happiness. Back to our hunter-gatherer ancestors, our brains used dopamine to help us remember where we found food. It uses serotonin + oxytocin to condition our behavior within our group or tribe for acceptance and safety.

The involvement of these chemicals forges a new neural connection instantaneously (where repetition builds new connections gradually). This means that when emotion is involved, we instantly get a new habit and when it’s not involved we have the painful process of practice.

When you are sitting at your computer and struggling to focus on writing your new ebook, your brain is looking for ways to feel happy. Due to the neural pathway formed other times you’ve checked social media, you get this bright idea to pick up your phone. And your brain gets dopamine. You feel happy, even if you haven’t actually solved any problem.

Every time you pick up your phone, you reinforce the habit. That neural connection gets insulated (making the electrical current travel faster) and strengthening the drive to pick up your phone when you’re feeling stuck or doubting yourself.

Third piece of data: the brain is always seeking happiER. Think about drug addiction. We know that the first use can send dopamine levels soaring in the brain. But the next time, with the same amount of drug, dopamine levels do not go as high. The brain seeks novelty. So what does a person have to do when they use drugs again? They have to up the dose.

If you’ve programmed yourself to eat a donut when you feel rejected, soon you will have to eat 2 in order to get the same feeling, or deal with the disappointment of an unfulfilling donut (and assume the shop screwed up the recipe this time).

In our scenario when you picked up the phone a second time your brain didn’t respond the same way. Rational or not, it doesn’t much matter, you feel disappointed. You feel disappointment due to the absence of dopamine (and probably serotonin + oxytocin as well).

This bears repeating: You feel disappointment when there is an absence of dopamine where you’ve experienced it in the past. It is a feeling brought on by chemicals in your brain.
We tend to blame the situation – and ourselves – when we feel down about not getting the attention we were hoping for. But that disappointment is neither selfish nor warranted. It just is.

Second, we make a plan.

Here’s where I’m going to get a little bossy. We all know how easy it is to read a post and walk away unchanged. But if you’ve made it this far it’s time to take action. You’ve got homework, love.

Step 1: Start paying attention.

You need to build awareness around this behavior. I want you to journal or bullet out answers to these questions:

  • What triggers do you see in your thoughts or environment?
  • How are you feeling when you reach for your phone or click over to Twitter?
  • What kinds of projects are you usually working on?
  • How long has it been since you talked to real people?
  • How’s your sleep these days?

If you only go this far, I commend you. Increasing your awareness around a behavior is a vital first step and can, in itself, influence change.

But if you’re ready to go all in and want to develop a healthier relationship with the social side of your business, go on to step 2.

Step 2: Get the free workbook and start building your personal action plan for overcoming social media obsession