Category: Neurobiology and Behavior

Mindfulness and Cognitive Science Neurobiology and Behavior

5 steps to staying consistent in your goals

Post author By Alisa
Post date November 7, 2016
No Comments on 5 steps to staying consistent in your goals

Raise your hand if you wish you could wake up tomorrow and have already conquered those dreams you have. Maybe you’re hoping to make 2017 your year of health. Or maybe you’re in the process of pursuing a career in the field that lights you up.

Here at alisanelson.co I talk a lot about the value of self-awareness – but a mega-downside of being aware of where you are and where you want to go is the discomfort you experience when it takes a long time to reach the other side. That saying “ignorance is bliss” is not a joke. No matter where you are on your journey the gap always feels too big, right?

Walking the talk

Publishing video on my website has been on my mind for a long time and what better time than when I get to talk about being on the path toward growth. The mind finds ways around trying new things because that involves uncertainty.

Even as I’ve prepared to publish this post it’s been a test of how much do I really believe the stuff I say – am I actually willing to put something up that isn’t polished yet? Am I willing to come out from behind my writing and show that there’s a real person here trying to grow skills alongside everyone else?

So I’ve followed the five steps I’m sharing in today’s video.

Growth requires tension

If you want to step into 2017 with greater confidence in your capability to follow through and see success, then this video is for you. Remember how I said it’s important at the start of any journey to remember that you are an organism? A machine can go from scraps to completion in a matter of days. Hours, even.

But not you.

If you want to truly become something different than you are now – not a simple filter or outward image to portray but bone-marrow-deep real change, then you must master staying with something even when it feels uncomfortable. Even when it means showing someone your unpolished, just-starting-out self.

Today’s video is just under 8 minutes and even includes an unpolished “don’t hit mommy” moment. Because real human life, ya’ll. And to help you start putting it into your own context, I made an action book for you. And it’s even editable so you can get started right away if you’re about ready to jump ship on your dreams for change. No email required, just click the button and start writing.

CLICK HERE TO GRAB YOUR ACTION BOOK NOW

Here’s the big idea

Consistent movement toward a goal requires little steps along the way that prime your brain to focus in on the target. Rewards feel good and by racking up small wins you can teach your brain that growth actually feels good. Making it less of an obstacle and more of a lifestyle.

With each of the 5 steps I mention in the video you are putting your energy where it matters most – getting your brain on board with living life a new way. By answering your built-in need for human connection, predictability, and long-term benefit you set yourself up for success during that in-between time that feels so uncomfortable. Now you’re free to fully engage in the process of living your life and growing because you have taken the steps to normalize it.

It’s not about a big sudden change, it’s about making growth a normal part of life.

Click To Tweet

Now it’s your turn

In the comments below I want you to tell me which step is the most difficult for you right now. I’d love to help you start to bust through those blocks so you can keep on the path to growth. If you’d rather talk privately, send me an email (alisa@alisanelson.co). I’d love to talk over email or jump on a Skype call and talk face-to-face. Seriously. No sales pitch, just two humans strategizing on how you can take a step forward.

CLICK HERE TO GRAB YOUR ACTION BOOK NOW

Tags coaching, goal setting, growth, mindset, self-awareness

Mindfulness and Cognitive Science Neurobiology and Behavior Raising Capable Kids

How to connect with strangers for better cooperation

Post author By Alisa
Post date October 31, 2016
No Comments on How to connect with strangers for better cooperation

Human connection can best be described as the love, belonging, and empathy that exists between two people or a group of people. It’s interesting actually because we categorize these to the spiritual realm – in the Church we call it “community” – but it is also observable by scientists. Special parts of our brains light up and synchronize with the people we are “in community” with. We connect and resonate.

That connection paves a way for cooperation AND it meets a deep human need for social living. When we have genuine connection, the brain is free to focus on solving problems and growing new skills. But without it, we suffer the consequences of survival state.

We often hear how connection takes time. Building trust in a relationship where both parties feel seen + loved is hard to come by in short bursts.

For those who spend the majority of their time serving people they will only meet occasionally – but require cooperation — the question becomes, how do you experience that connection described above with a stranger? Today I hope to give you an effective way forward.

But first, why do we really care about human connection?

The biggest reason is because we are wired for it. Social connection is a basic need – demonstrated by a newborn baby. Even with an immature brain the social centers are active helping them form attachment to their parents and training them to cry when that attachment feels absent. And we know it carries on into adulthood – just ask any mother about her compulsion to pick up her crying babe.

The mammalian brain has adapted in order to increase its probability of survival. And in the words of social psychologist Dr. Matthew Lieberman, the brain bet on our being social. We even have a warning system that goes off when we experience social isolation or rejection. The neurotransmitter serotonin is used by the brain to motivate us to take action when it senses a loss in social status or connection. The hormone oxytocin pushes us to seek social support during times of stress.

What does connection do for us?

Let me tell you a secret about me. Ok, it’s probably not really a secret because if we met you’d see it right away. I’m a nervous-laugher. And it can get really bad. From people talking to me about my kids in the grocery checkout to meeting a new person at church, I have a hard time keeping myself from just filling the void with my nervous laugh. I blame it on my Relator strength. It gives me a strong desire to empathize…but doesn’t necessarily mean I’m very good at it.

I think I laugh for a couple of reasons. The first is that giggling releases endorphins – I can only assume my brain picked up the habit at some point and the release feels good, so it stuck around. The second reason is that laughter is a way to build connections with people. When someone is saying silly things to my kids (that they don’t understand), my laughter shows them that I don’t consider them a threat. I may not know what to say but I recognize they mean no harm and they can walk away enjoying my kids’ smiles instead of my scowling or confused face.

This is the same reason I laugh at my daughter’s jokes. She’s gotten pretty good at telling them but also, I want to respond in a way that shows her there is space for her to be silly. She belongs here. She is loved and seen.

When she feels that deep sense of belonging she can focus better. She is more cooperative. She is kinder to her brother. She asks for help to solve problems as if we’re a team.

In people-focused work, you need all these things too. You need engaged and connected people. Whether they are kids or adults. But how do you do that if you only see them for a few minutes? Or only once every week / month / year?

First — Recognize that most people are stressed out

Most people are stressed about something. Whether it is directly related to you or not, you can expect they have other things on their minds + hearts. Stress acts to bring our attention inward – as we become hyperfocused on our own pain. This disconnects us from our environment and the people around us.

What’s more, feeling alone in an unfamiliar place brings uncertainty. Making them feel vulnerable. What’s our reaction to vulnerability (in most cases)? Pull in even more. Control, deflect, numb.

When you approach a person who feels distant, unkind, or selfish the best starting point for making connection is to let all that go. If you respond accordingly, you will further alienate the person, and you’ll walk away feeling pretty crappy as well. But internally recognizing that this person has a story that you don’t yet know opens you up to be curious and kind.

This also tells your own stress system (the one getting fidgety over this person who seems to be rejecting you) that you don’t need to feel threatened. That you have what it takes to overcome this obstacle. In turn your brain will focus its energy on solving the problem rather than on your own controlling, deflecting, and numbing habits.

Second — Make genuine small talk

Cue eye roll. I know “small talk” is commonly put down. Especially by those of us who want a reputation of being all deep and stuff. I’m talking about me, ya’ll. Working on it. But small talk is a powerful tool in the pursuit of human connection.

Questions like “how was your weekend” and “how’s your family” can be ok entry points. But when you ask a person a question about their day or their lives it needs to be accompanied by nonverbal signals that you actually intend to listen.

We all know what it’s like – the friend who says “how are you?!” as they blow right past you with no intention to hear your answer. Versus the friend who asks the very same question but we sense intuitively that they are present + focused on your reply.

You can be that person. Even to strangers.

When I worked at Starbucks I was surrounded by seasoned baristas. And it was instantly clear who the store favorites were. They were the men and women who made an effort to look at customers, remember names, and ask follow up questions about yesterday’s interview. Customers lingered at the bar, celebrated our birthdays with us, asked for pictures of our kids, told us stories about theirs, and we bought their girl scout cookies. One even gave my husband’s new business a shout out when he launched a kickstarter campaign.

All because when we asked “what’s going on today?” — and they answered — we listened and asked more questions.

My favorites were the quiet ones. I tried hard to not be intrusive but wanted them especially to know that even they are seen. They don’t need to be loud or share their life story, but I see them, they belong here too, and we are so grateful for their presence.

You know what also happened at that store? We’d serve well over 100 customers in a couple of hours. So I’m not talking about a handful of regulars that would sit around and chat politics. I’m talking dozens that we would interact with for maybe two minutes from the time they ordered a drink to when they left.

Third — Help them into the present moment

We mostly operate on habits. It is energy-saving for the brain. Then, in new situations, we depend on previously established models for how to interact and behave. Mental models composite themselves whether we are aware of it or not.

The formation of mental models is incredibly important. They help us survive and decrease the burden of our environment as information is compressed into one big image rather than many discrete parts. The downside is we stop engaging in the way we think about our environment – and therefore how we feel about it. We stop considering how our mental model might need some updating.

When a stressed out person approaches you, it is very likely that they are interacting based on habit. This means that while they talk to you, answer your questions, and complete the necessary tasks they are not really interacting with YOU. They are interacting with the “you” of their mental model. That could be based on a person they met years ago or an experience they can’t even remember triggered by the way you greeted them. The brain is crazy, right?

So you have the opportunity now with this information to alter your approach. Invite them out of autopilot. The small talk you use, the environment of your office, the way you make eye contact – these can help to coax a person into the present moment.

Of course you can’t force a person to be present. But you can set the tone by being present yourself. Talking to yourself about what you see, getting curious about another person’s world, simulating in your mind what their life might be like. These are all actions that the brain is actually really good at but like any muscle it must be used to become prominent.

When you are present you become naturally more empathic because your brain is tuning in to the immediate environment rather than functioning off of old scripts and habits. With empathy we get connection.

And with connection we get cooperation and a better sense of wellbeing for all.

You can make this a new habit for yourself. Cuing yourself every time you hear the door open or when go refill your water bottle (or coffee cup) consider one of these prompts:

take note of how you are feeling
remind yourself why you are doing this work.
Look for something right this second that you genuinely appreciate.
Connect your current work day with your future goals as a necessary piece in your personal story.
Think of your biggest supporters.

Each of these can act to pull you back into the present moment and ground you in the midst of stress. These are also associated with our basic need for social standing and support. In turn they can stimulate the release of neurotransmitters that will help you respond better to stress and give you a rush of good feelings (making presence of mind feel good).

Action steps:

Self-awareness:

Consider your own experiences – where have you felt welcomed, seen, understood? How has that affected your behavior and emotional outlook?
What is your current behavior like at work? How do you greet people? What is the usual result?
Have you seen an instance where the way you approached a person seemed to bring them out of their shell? What did you do?
How do you currently think about the people you interact with at work or around town? Start noticing the thoughts you have first and how those thoughts impact your openness to them.

Related post: 5 benefits of self-awareness

Small talk:

Challenge yourself in the small talk department – start to ask follow up questions and make eye contact.
Put more thought into your comments + questions — weather and the weekend tend to be favorites but is there something else you can ask that will get more than an “oh yea I like the fall colors too”?

Related post: 3 things you should know when you work with people

Staying present:

Do you notice a certain time of day when your energy has waned and talking to people gets harder?
This post about overstimulation might be helpful if you’re an introvert and get burned out by the end of the day.
Set a timer on your phone or a note on/under your coffee cup that cues you to re-engage in the present moment.
Related post: 4 sign posts for building self-awareness into your day

Wrapping up —

It doesn’t take much to help a person move beyond uncertainty + isolation —–> connection + cooperation.

It’s important to keep your efforts focused on what you can control – and that’s your own state of mind. Remembering that people are naturally preoccupied by other stuff, being intentional with your small talk, and keeping your brain awake so you can respond appropriately to the moment will help you gain trust even in only a few minutes time.

Tags connection, empathy, habits, mindfulness, self-awareness

Mindfulness and Cognitive Science Neurobiology and Behavior Self Care

Surviving as an introvert: 4 strategies to keep you connected

Post author By Alisa
Post date October 21, 2016
No Comments on Surviving as an introvert: 4 strategies to keep you connected

When you work in a people-focused environment it becomes essential to know where you land on the introvert-extrovert scale. Not because one is better than the other but because the underlying physiology associated with these traits can help you both understand your behavior + take effective action.

Spending a lot of time in large groups of people is going to look and feel different depending on where you are on the I/E scale. This is so much more than a label. This is your brain chemistry manifesting in your behavior. Each have their strengths. What’s more important is that you use who you are to your advantage.

As a mom, coming to a new level of understanding about how my brain works has been fundamental in helping me overcome anger issues + apathy toward problems that arise. It has helped me get in rhythm with my body so that I can effectively take action and recharge. It has also made it a lot easier to break up with some numbing tactics because I know what will actually help me recover.

Remember when I talked about self-care being whatever you have to do in order to keep going? This is one of those things.

If you’re not convinced yet that this is something you need to know about yourself, then ask yourself if you wish you were happier, more consistent, or had more willpower. What I’m about to talk about will get you on that path too.

(If you’re short on time, scroll to the bottom for the summary)

This week we’re hitting on how to help introverts stay engaged + connected in a people-filled environment. In a few weeks we will circle back and talk about the extrovert side of the spectrum because everyone has obstacles to staying engaged and understanding the brain’s role can help us take effective action. If you’re more extroverted, send this to all your introverted friends and stick around because we’ll get to you. I promise.

Ok, I have A LOT to talk about today. So enough intro – let’s dive in.

What it means to be an introvert

I’ve taken a myers-briggs test probably at least half a dozen times. And every time I come out being called an extrovert. And it’s just not true ya’ll. Perhaps you’ve heard of the word “ambivert” where you’re a nice little half-blood but let’s get more descriptive than that. If you find yourself easily fatigued by large crowds or needy children but you also would occasionally choose to meet a close group of friends at a loud restaurant without a second thought than you are probably an extroverted introvert. Meaning you are on the introvert side of the spectrum but can also a bit extroverted in limited capacities.

If you’ve regularly felt in-conflict with what these tests tell you about yourself here’s a little disclaimer: you probably are answering based on who you think you should be. Often it is so ingrained that our automatic response can even be misaligned with our actual physiology. And with that beautiful word, let’s start talking about the major chemical difference between an introvert and an extrovert.

The biggest difference is a pretty simple one, really. An introvert has a greater sensitivity to dopamine.

Dopamine is released in the brain under a variety of circumstances, one of them being new environments. It plays a role in learning + memory. Therefore when you encounter new stimuli to be sorted and interpreted, dopamine floods the brain. Introverts require very little stimulation for dopamine to be released and to reach saturation. In contrast, extroverts require greater stimulation for dopamine to reach saturation.

In other words: an introvert requires less input to reach the desired happy, creative, and thoughtful state.

Knowing this we can identify the real reason introverts struggle to engage in a large crowd. Shyness is not the answer – overstimulation is. From a quiet corner a person can help their brain sort through the new information a little bit at a time and determine the best mode of entry into the fray. A new place with new faces, smells, sounds, etc. is often too much for an introvert to sort through on the spot – especially since that environment is also going to bring on a slew of internal reactions like self-talk, anxiety, increased heart rate, etc.

We use these internal processes – like releasing dopamine in a new environment – to get a lay of the land mentally. We modify our mental models, identify key players in the room, strategize our approach, integrate and transfer ideas, and develop appropriate responses as we integrate our feelings with all the other information.

However, all of the input make it difficult for an introvert to truly listen and thoughtfully respond to the people. Instead they will depend upon previously established mental models for interpreting what’s happening – requiring them to stick to preconceived scripts and ideas.

Overstimulation: an obstacle to high performance

Maybe you can cope well enough in a social environment. Keeping conversation light + playful can be nice. But when it comes to a work environment, you need to be able to function at a higher level, right? Not just to meet expectations but for your personal satisfaction!

Overstimulation impedes a person’s abilities to regulate their behavior (getting out of reaction mode), make decisions, focus on the task at hand, determine prioritization, communicate effectively, find + implement creative solutions, etc. Basically, anything that requires you to take in the immediate environment and rapidly turn out an effective response.

When I was a new mom I heard all the time how important it was to have a routine for the child’s sake. I love child development and they are right on – for kids, everything is new. And that means they are prone to overstimulation. Just like me. Their capacities are lower than an introverted adult – I can eat a cookie before bed and not go berserk – but they need an environment that takes their developing brains into consideration.

Similarly you need to set yourself up for success, taking YOUR brain into consideration. On any given day there is so much that is outside of our control, but this? This is on you. We have a phrase in our house, “make it easy.” And that’s what you have to do here. Easy doesn’t mean it’ll come naturally or feel effortless. It means that you will apply force in the necessary areas to see productive results.

So shall we dive in to where you should apply that force? YAY!

BUT FIRST: we’re already at 1000 words here so if you need to take a break and digest how this new information on introversion affects your life, please do it now. Bookmark or pin this post and come back when you’re ready to implement. Let this be your first action step → don’t force yourself to take in more than your brain can handle. We don’t want this to be yet another thing that just sits in your brain because it was too much too fast.

Ok, here’s how you can start to take back control:

Strategy #1: Get yourself some self-awareness

If I sound like a broken record I promise it’s not just because I’m merely fixated on self-awareness. It really is the first step to changing any behavior.

Self-awareness involves two areas: Where you are and where you want to go. You don’t know if you have enough gas in your car until you check. And you don’t know if it’s enough unless you know how far you need to go. Ya with me?

Some prompts to journal through:

What does it look like for you to be overwhelmed / overstimulated? Do you get snippy? Anxious? Start puttering around without getting anything done? Go into autopilot? Feel like you need to crawl out of your skin? Just me?
What kinds of situations push you over the edge? Is it correlated to a time of day?
What, if any, actions seem to help you stay below that threshold?
How do you typically respond to overstimulation? Are you reaching for your phone more? Thinking about what you’ll watch on Netflix tonight? Daydreaming?
What signs seem to act as a warning bell that the threshold is approaching? Is it inappropriate to lock my kids outside and start making dinner at 3pm?

Strategy #2: Be selective about your spontaneity

Sounds super cool, right?

I used to tell myself that I couldn’t be a planner. As soon as I would set a schedule or routine for myself or for my kids, I would feel stifled and never do it. You know what came with that? No energy to talk to my husband. And very few “fun-mom” moments. This isn’t a judgment on me – or anyone else, obviously we don’t judge here – but aligning with my strengths requires that I limit the space left for spontaneity. Like if I’m “spontaneously” deciding on what we’re doing for the day as it unfolds, I’m instantly decreasing my ability to roll with whatever antics my kids think up. My physiology struggles to have both.

Nothing stifles fun mom faster than realizing I don’t know what’s for dinner at 5pm.

BUT you know what I can do? I can take 5-10 minutes the night before (and a little longer on Sunday) to map out our day.

It is pretty literally the worst to get to dinner time and have no energy to do anything but throw children in bed and zone out on the computer. In days gone by I would very passive aggressively make it obvious to my husband that I was not interested in talking to him and heaven forbid he attempt any physical contact. My fried brain was is fight mode and it wasn’t going anywhere.

If you want to be able to stay engaged throughout your work + have energy leftover to really connect with the important people in your life, you have to be more selective in your spontaneity. Own that brain chemistry, girl.

Here’s where your mental image for who you want to be comes into play: do you want to be a person who has to zone out every night? Or do you want to be able to meet friends for a drink or take your kids on a spontaneous picnic? If it’s the latter, than you need to put in the effort to streamline your daily decisions.

ACTION STEP:

Consider what you wish you had more energy for – Playing with your kids? Weekly dinner with friends? Space to devote to a hobby you’ve let fall aside? Time with your husband that is beyond netflix + ice cream?
Now think about your day – where does it feel like you’re expending more energy than should be necessary? What feels especially draining?
What could you do to make that area / event more predictable?

Here’s another good place to stop. Take action on these first two steps before adding more to your plate, k? We’ll wait.

Strategy #3: Honor your body’s rhythms + take a time out

There is SO MUCH MORE science to tell you about, guys. But I’ll refrain and save it for another post.

The big idea here is that you are an organism. Not a machine. Your body functions in a rhythm, requiring input + output for a wholehearted life. You, my dear friend, are one of those amazing people who literally can’t help helping. It’s just a part of your life. It makes you who you are. But that does not mean you are an exception to the rule: your body, mind, and spirit need nourishment if you want to keep on doing this thing called life.

Sleep is one way our bodies take a time out to refresh. Your brain and the rest of your tissues are working all through the night to repair cells, get rid of toxins, refresh its stores, etc. So sleep is hugely important. And more than that – our brains need a chill-out time throughout the day too. Ok maybe I told you a little more science.

As introverted folk, we need to honor that during-the-day rhythm. Remember up above when I asked you some questions to build your self-awareness? Well, here’s where that info is useful! There are going to be times during the day when we feel a lull happening. The lull is your brain saying, “Cool it! Let me catch up, por favor!” We’re taking in information all the time and giving your brain a few minutes (with 15-20 being optimal) to play catch up, you will be able to better maintain energy levels throughout the day. Which mean you’ll be better able to stay engaged with the people around you instead of just wishing everyone would shut up.

<mini-rant>

Social media scrolling is NOT allowed during these mental breaks. I was gonna be all “not the best choice” but this is too true and too important to play PC.

Social media:

shortens your attention span,
triggers dopamine surges that are more like a sugar rush, desensitizing you to real connection + real information
makes you think you’ve connected with people when you haven’t
is MORE stimulation for your brain to sort through
introduces common triggers to stress / anxiety / comparison / etc
is full of people telling you who you should be / what you should be doing

Don’t do that to yourself. It’s fun, obviously. But pick a time during the day when you are going to intentionally engage in that and don’t let it be your “I’m tired so let me just scroll” as if that’s productive or helping you unwind. Trust me, it’s not.

</rant>

ACTION STEP:

Think about your usual day, find a moment around midmorning and midafternoon where you can take a 10-20 minute breather. Even if you can only start with 3 minutes, do it.
Set your phone alarm to remind you.
Follow through and take a few minutes to let your mind release. Take some deep breaths but don’t try to focus on anything (or nothing). No effort here.
Do this for a week – make notes about any differences you experience.

Strategy #4: Establish personal rituals

Your brain wants to run on habits. It is more energy efficient. Daily rituals allow your brain to chunk certain activities and tie them to cues + rewards – making it easier to build the habit AND incorporating natural motivation because rewards involve happy chemical release (which your brain like really, really loves).

Again, this section can (and probably will) be its own separate post and as we near the 3,000 word mark let’s keep the action here simple + tied in to the above action steps. You need a nightly routine for mapping out the next day + closing down this one.

What do you get out of a nighttime routine? Your brain gets cued up that sleep is coming. That alters your brain chemistry, making it easier to fall asleep. Making your plan for the next day gives you the chance to reflect on the day, realign with your priorities, and head into the next day giving your focus to people instead of to tasks. And finally, you get the opportunity to purposely close out the day. Rather than suddenly realizing it’s 10pm and you haven’t set the coffee pot, cleaned up dinner, or read that book you’d intended to start, you can rhythmically move through your evening into the things that fill you up for another day.

Imagine it: going to bed full instead of feeling guilty, rushed, or scattered.

You guys, I’ve tasted and seen. It is so, so good to end the day feeling grateful + connected to what is most important to you.

ACTION STEP:

What’s your current night routine like? What do you like about it? What do you wish you were doing differently?
Start with the time you want to be in bed and work backwards, how will you spend your evening? What time do you need to close your computer or turn off the tv?
Give yourself 5-10 minutes to plot out your next day as you close down the kitchen or before you watch a show.
Pick 1 or 2 (short) things that you can do just before getting into bed that will help you transition your mind from activity to rest + align you with what is most important to you. Might be listening to music or a Bible app while you wash your face + get into pajamas. Maybe it’s journaling or writing a letter to a friend. Whatever it is, turn the lights low, be present, be grateful, and ease yourself into sleep.
Download Insight Timer (free) for sleep meditations if you have trouble falling asleep. I have a couple of favorites (Yoga Nidras) that I have yet to hear the end of, even when it still feels like my mind is buzzing as I get into bed. I also like to set the sleep timer on Pandora to soft instrumentals (ok so really they are epic soundtracks).

Wrap up (read: a reminder why any of this matters)

Introverts have a lower tolerance for stimulation.
Stimulation is any + all incoming information to the brain from sensory experience to internal dialogue to feelings to verbal + non-verbal cues from people.
In an overstimulated state you will struggle to make decisions, come up with creative solutions, regulate your behavior / emotions, maintain focus on the important stuff, perform necessary tasks effectively, etc.
All of these inhibit your ability to engage + connect with the people around you in the present moment.
Taking action to limit stimuli, discharge excess stimulation, streamline processes, and introduce systems + routines will increase your capacity for the people in your lives and keep you connected to your mission in the midst of all the noise.

If this sounds like something you need + want to do but you feel overwhelmed at the thought of doing it by yourself, this is what I do with clients. In the very near future I will be unveiling a “work with me” page for beta testers of my coaching program.

CLICK HERE NOW to get on the waiting list for beta testers to my coaching program.

Tags dopamine, high performance, introversion, introvert, overstimulation, productivity, self care

Mindfulness and Cognitive Science Neurobiology and Behavior

Enhance client experience: give them the language

Post author By Alisa
Post date May 23, 2016
No Comments on Enhance client experience: give them the language

Client experience is an important aspect of your business - but it’s more than website design. Every person you work with needs you to help them navigate the language of your field. Are you making sure your clients feel confident and capable or are they wandering around lost, stuck, and confused? Instead of getting frustrated by their questions or lack of follow through, make it a priority to educate. Read on for tips on how to incorporate education into your client experience from learning methods down to the details. Help clients engage, boost their confidence, and keep their eyes on what's actually important. Read more at http://alisanelson.co

What’s your client experience like? Are your clients engaged and prompt or are they getting stuck in unimportant details and slow in making decisions? Whether you realize it or not, understanding how your clients think – and how those thoughts translate into action – is important to your success and their client experience. Without it, you will wonder why so few follow through in a timely manner and why they don’t seem to value your work.

Today this post is going to help you help your clients learn. Specifically, we want to make sure your clients can be on the same page as you by teaching them how to interact in your domain – they need language and you’re going to give it to them.

When your client is ignorant of what the real, descriptive meaning of your words are, they will experience increased stress around working with you or within your domain in general. And stress is the last word you want describing your client experience. You have several opportunities throughout the client relationship to prime them for success by decreasing their own uncertainty and confusion.

Let’s quickly look at why you might want to decrease uncertainty. I’ve written about it a lot (like here) but a quick refresher, maybe?

Uncertainty is stressful for the brain. The brain is busy trying to determine if things are safe and when a shadow is cast over something, it assumes it is dangerous. With a rise in cortisol we get behaviors like procrastination, excessive questions, loss of focus on the important stuff, etc.

You don’t want that happening to a client. Whether you work 1-on-1 or they are a part of a group, it’s your job to help them succeed. They can’t do that if they are wandering around lost, stuck, or confused.

Your clients won’t succeed if they are wandering around lost, stuck, or confused

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Back in the 80s there was some research done on skill acquisition that helps us form a strategy here. You might not have thought about it this way but you are trying to help your clients gain the “skill” of working within your domain. Learning the language of that domain is essential to engagement. Without knowing what words mean or how to use them, a person literally cannot participate. And since you have been in the field for a while, words that are difficult for your clients likely seem obvious to you.

In fact, it’s probably a source of frustration because why the heck do they keep asking for photos in dark, windowless churches when you clearly state that you are a natural light photographer??

Hint, hint: they probably don’t know what natural light really means.

And that’s ok! You’re the professional, right? It’s not their job to know, it’s your job to educate them on the important stuff.

Related: 3 things you should know when you work with people

So how do you do that?

First, go into every meeting with the assumption that your new client is a novice in your field.

Here are a few characteristics of a novice:

No actual experience in the area they are expected to perform a task.
Lack situational awareness (what’s important in this moment).
Don’t know what they don’t know.

What they need from you:

Context free learning – descriptive language.
Patience for their unrelated or out-of-order questions (and desire to have those questions answered as if they are the most important concepts).
Sequential uncovering of information to avoid overwhelm and help them see the big picture.
Check-ins for understanding along the way.

Recommended sequence for uncovering information:

Big picture – with constraints on the edges
Big ideas
How those big ideas interact
Details.

The details are last because just like any problem, we need orientation to the big picture before we can make any sense of the details. Your client will just be overwhelmed if you jump into talking about which collateral items they want when they have no idea what that is or how it relates to their brand.

Without effective education, they will prolong the process because they don’t know how to make a decision or what’s going to be important. That wastes time for both of you.

“Ok, Alisa, I get it. A better client experience includes teaching my clients the language in a way that systematically reveals what is important at each stage of the process. So can we talk about how to do that now?”

So glad you asked! Answer: You need a good strategy that involves these big ideas:

Pair a word or idea with a visual (whether in story-form, picture, or video) is better for helping people understand words — words defining words is the worst (ex. What does methodology mean? “A set of methods.” That does not help me use the word effectively.)
Never give more information than they need at that moment (help your clients avoid overwhelm!) – be concise and descriptive.
Create space + safety for questions and provide prompts to stimulate the “oh yea, I don’t really know what that means” conversations.

What we want is for every step of your client process to leave your client feeling confident and excited about their newfound capability. We want them to experience that security of knowing they are communicating effectively with you and therefore the end product will in fact be what they’ve been hoping for.

Let me give you a quick example —

My son is 20 months and learning words like crazy. Every time we label something important to him (from an animal at the zoo to the snack he is enjoying) he lights up. And he starts to use it to ask for what he wants or to further enjoy his play. When he is struggling to ask for something and I manage to guess – and tell him the word – he starts giggling with joy. Oh the joy of being understood and getting what you want.

Do you see the value of increasing someone’s understanding? When you help people learn new things you give them new tools to use to express themselves + their needs, and to operate even just a little bit more comfortably within a new space.

[Side Note: In our instant-gratification world, you might see people reject your attempts to educate them in the domain language. Sometimes it’s because they are already fully saturated and unable to take in new information (but still need a job done) and other times it’s the unfortunate reality of not cultivating curiosity. Be sure to check for understanding along the way so they don’t end up frustrated by the end result, even if they aren’t opting in to your attempts at education.]

So how do you introduce your domain language without slowing down the onboarding or work process?

This is an important consideration because while people love to learn new things, they can also be very one-track minded. They are coming to you looking for a specific outcome and they want to jump right in.

But you know better. You can see the big picture here because you’ve been through it over and over again. You know exactly what a client needs to know in order to make your relationship run smoothly all the way through.

So your job is to fish through your memory or your notes and identify the ESSENTIAL understandings your clients need.

Then, you need to categorize them into where they fall in the timeline.

What do they need to know before they sign up to work with you?
What do they need to know right after they sign up?
What is important halfway through the process?
What is important just before closure?
What do they need to be successful after your relationship is complete?

Make these essentials available in a user-friendly manner

These days – where information overload is a constant – everybody goes a little crazy over “actionable” information. But you, as the professional developing into a real expert, have the job of ensuring the essential pieces of the puzzle are not lost. For example, your client will want to just jump in a pick a color scheme (or maybe they already have one in mind) but it’s your job to make sure they know what colors communicate before they make a final decision. Your client process needs to make time for helping them make informed decisions.

Now for ideas on the user-friendly way to educate your clients:

A product / services page that provides real information.

Sell-able copy is important, but even more important is that your potential client gets a real sense of what it’s like to work with you, if you will be a good fit, and what the process looks like.

Use concise yet descriptive language telling visitors who you are, your mission, what the product includes, and who fits best for the product. If you can, pair your description with a video or a set of images that complements your words. At-a-glance understanding and a real sense of what the client will experience should be your goal.

Remember: We don’t want is to bog down potential clients with too much information – giving important information too soon makes it unimportant and decreases the likelihood that your would-be-next-client will follow through and sign up. We do, however, want to thoughtfully eliminate any barriers that might lead them to move on to the next website (assuming they are an ideal client).

Give them a lay of the land in the welcome email

It can be tempting to jump right in to the onboarding details but a new client needs to know that the questions they have will be covered – and when. Map out the journey including a timeline and major landmarks. If you know what clients are usually thinking about when they first sign up, give them assurance that you will get there. Use descriptive language so they can feel confident they understand what is expected of them (and what they can expect from you).

Include “glossary”-type page

Short, description definitions that your client can find all in one place has a couple of good effects. The first is you have a place to refer to. When you give your client an action step, you can remind them that if they need, they can refer to the glossary in their packet (or attached in an email).

The second effect is it will keep your client from googling. Perhaps you normally tell your client to email you with any questions but many people don’t like to ask for help – especially when they think they should know the answer. Instead they will likely try to figure it out themselves and you never really know what sources they will end up finding.

Create a blog series about your client process + how you work.

Here we’re going for posts that include screenshots, video, and / or images that give the client a mental image of the process that will include some working definitions of the language you will use.

By putting these types of posts into your archive you give a potential client a place to go if they are interested in reading more about how your design process works (like this one by Elle & Co) or how to streamline content creation (like this awesome post by Maya Elious!).

Links to essential blog posts

Think of this as your “index” if you were writing a book. Link your client to that blog post series you’ve created and be sure to categorize them so they can go directly to what they need in the moment. Use your experience – what questions do you frequently answer? Where do you see clients getting stuck in unimportant details?

Make a set of introductory videos, screencasts, or well-crafted visuals to be dripped out to your client at the appropriate time.

What’s your client onboarding like? From the couple of years I ran a personal training business out of my home I know there can be questionnaires, scheduling, setting communication expectations, setting up client profiles on a member portal, ensuring they know what steps to take + when, etc. It can be a whirlwind of chaos. And it can make or break their experience.

A welcome packet with step-by-step instructions is all well and fine. Your new + excited client might read every word when they first receive it. But reading every word might leave them overwhelmed – even if they don’t realize it. Meanwhile, videos that are delivered when needed will set your client up for success – they will avoid overwhelm and be more likely to retain the information.

Be approachable

People don’t like asking what might be a stupid question. By checking in with them you set the standard that understanding is more important than fast communication. Including statements like: “If any words I’m using are confusing feel free to interrupt me or shoot me an email if you have questions later” regularly tells your clients that you expect they will need some clarity AND tunes them to look for words they don’t understand.

If they don’t ask questions but appear to be lagging on their response or lacking follow-through, don’t assume they understand. Instead ask directly – “I’m noticing that you are struggling to follow through. Is there anything I can clarify? Where do you find yourself getting stuck?” They may have an alternative explanation but better to be corrected than to proceed when your client is lost, stuck, or confused.

Take action:

Define your big picture → what MUST prospective clients know about you and your services in order to confidently hire you? Polling previous clients might help you with this one.
Define your big ideas → once you’re hired, what are the major steps that are taken? How can you effectively inform your client of those steps? Imagine you are showing them a lay of the land before you head off on your adventure. Point out the landmarks.
Define how the big ideas interact → how does step 3 rely on a successful step 2? These interactions need to be understood so your client knows the most important decisions to make.
Fill in the details → as you approach landmarks, what details do they need to know / understand to ensure they will accomplish the next task?
From the list above – or your own creative ideas – plan out how you will inform your client from pre-hiring to saying goodbye.

Whether it’s simplifying your sales page, scripting + recording video, or putting together a “guided tour” through images / icons, break it into actionable steps, schedule it, and take action. Trust me, it is worth your time to ensure every client has clarity and confidence while working with you – you’re building trust + loyalty.

So tell me, what’s worked for you? What actions have you found to uplevel your client experience?

Tags Business, clients, confidence, language, learning

Neurobiology and Behavior

How to deal with the uncertainty of running a business

Post author By Alisa
Post date May 16, 2016
No Comments on How to deal with the uncertainty of running a business

Today we’re going to talk about uncertainty in business and how goals that emphasize learning will keep you engaged in your business for the long-haul.

We often hear “engagement” used to talk about your audience but we also need to turn the microscope around and analyze your engagement. The way you interact with your business can either increase or decrease your level of uncertainty – a major source of stress on you as a business owner. If you aren’t careful, uncertainty can take control of your goals, your priorities, and your motivation. Uncertainty accompanied by disengagement leads to acting out of fear – picking a route with least resistance even if it is in the opposite direction of everything you care about.

But uncertainty paired with effective learning habits? You gain the capability to move forward with confidence even when you can’t see the path.

How do we typically respond to uncertainty?

For our ancestors, uncertainty kept them moving from place to place – to find food, shelter, a good water supply, new potential mates, etc. It also kept them abiding by tribe culture unless they knew they could overpower the strongest of the group.

These actions had proven to keep them alive. Survival was uncertain and the brain had a special response that helped motivate the person to pursue certainty. We call that response stress.
Today we are able to stay in one place for long periods of time (generations upon generations) but our brains are still pursue the safety of certainty. In the presence of uncertainty – where we perceive the need to outweigh our available resources – we see a rise of cortisol and a focused pursuit of something that makes us feel secure.

Often that looks like focusing in on the details instead of figuring out the more important problem.

I talked about this recently as we considered why we reach for social media when we start to stall on a project. It’s also true in any number of other instances, like binge-reading blog posts on how to grow your email list or downloading 10 different guides to launching your first online course. But herein lies a problem. Our brains dislike uncertainty but often our response to that stress is to turn to something that only gives a moment of security. Then, when we attempt to re-enter work mode, we find that the problem has not been resolved.

What happened? We failed to proactively address the heart of the problem and instead hyper-focused on minute details that only matter when the biggest issues are covered. It’s like making the best gravy known to man but forgetting to cook the potatoes.

There’s another way this happens: when we only do the bare minimum.

Copying someone else verbatim, getting client work done just so you can cash in, solving a problem just enough to get it out of the “urgent” category – these are bare minimum efforts. And you deserve more in life.

So how do we do it? How do we tackle this problem of uncertainty proactively instead of these passive methods like focusing on details or doing the bare minimum?

We train our brains to look for growth.

Certainty involves a sense of control. And what better way to assert control than to acquire the skills you need to overcome common obstacles in running a business?

Here’s the why behind our maladaptive habits in the face of a problem:

When the panic button is hit or we’ve been hacking away at a difficult task for a while, our brains look for happiness. So it uses pre-formed habits that previously resulted in a boost of happy chemicals — like eating fat + sugar (aka a donut) or getting virtual high-fives.

Related: Why you keep obsessing over social media
How to stop obsessing over social media
These pre-formed habits have taught our brain that reward is immediate. So we derive less pleasure from the pursuit of understanding because it takes a while and usually involves first experiencing some sort of pain (physical, mental, emotional, etc).

Related: When vulnerability makes you feel like crap

It’s time to take action:

Build awareness around the types of problems + circumstances that send you running for donuts.
Practice stopping and sitting with that feeling – the one that makes you feel a little jittery and fidgety.
Compile a list of personal case studies – highlights of how you’ve grown over the past few years, stories of clients you’ve impacted, your favorite memories of when you overcame a significant trial, etc.
Ask yourself “Why am I doing this?” Link the overcoming of this problem with your biz + life aspirations.
Establish a routine for getting your head in the game. Play epic music, watch a video clip of your hero telling her story, curate a list of quotes from people who have overcome major obstacles.
Then tackle the problem systematically. Don’t just start swinging wildly like a newbie – you’re growing into an expert, remember? So start practicing like the experts. Identify the problem, gather relevant concepts, and find a viable solution. (I told you how to do this over here.)

BONUS: GRAB MY PERSONAL RESEARCH PLANNING TEMPLATE AND START LEARNING LIKE A REAL EXPERT.

Uncertainty rises when you let your gauge of success be how many followers or even how much money your work has brought you. Those metrics puts your capability in someone else’s hands. By instead aiming to understand the system you’re working in and assessing where you fall in the stages of development, you take back control of your focus and your drive. There’s a lot you simply cannot be certain of in life, but you can stack the deck in your favor.

Tags expertise, learning, stress, uncertainty

Mindfulness and Cognitive Science Neurobiology and Behavior

How to stay focused when learning new things in business

Post author By Alisa
Post date May 2, 2016
2 Comments on How to stay focused when learning new things in business

Learning new skills and establishing your footing is essential to surviving in business. But how do you stay focused in a world of information overload?

Let’s say you’re thinking about developing some new products to begin scaling your business efforts and you need to really understand content marketing so you can form a strategy and implement. How often do you head for Google only to find yourself in a rabbit hole in 2 minutes flat? When you finally emerge, you’re signed up for 5 more email lists yet no closer to actually understanding the issue at hand.

In recent posts we’ve talked about the importance of effective problem-solving — when you look at each of these questions (what is content marketing and how does it apply to my business?) as a problem to solve, you increase the likelihood you’ll actually get the answers you need.

In today’s post we’re talking about how to stay focused within the miry bog of the internet. It’s tough work to separate the genuine signal from the noise and on top of all the useless information, you’ve got your own brain to consider. So that’s where I’m coming in – brain science meets creative biz life is where I thrive after all.

Cognitive load refers to the capacity of a person’s working memory. The associated theory is applied to learning environments in order to optimize for a common human shortcoming – we can only handle so much new information at one time. Add another layer of ideas to remember without a system in place and you’re bound for information overload.

Luckily, scientists have found useful methods for processing new information and keeping cognitive load low but it’s likely that you’re not employing these methods as you rapidly scroll through google search results.

Use these 12 tips to stay focused the next time you need to learn something new in business

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Here are 12 tips to help you stay focused as you head off to learn new things:

Building awareness

Know your signs of overload — It may be feeling angry or overstimulated during or after your work or perhaps your mind goes a little numb and you head for Facebook and start reading unimportant – but funny – posts about hipster princesses.

Know your triggers to overload — Are you trying to multitask? Are you tired? Are you diving into google search before you’ve even really thought about the problem? Which behaviors do you see coming before you overload happens?
Know how you learn best — If you’re a visual learner but your main source of learning is a podcast you’re going to have trouble processing the information given. Maybe you need to take notes at the same time (whether listening or reading). Maybe you need to map out the problem with pen+paper before you can sit down at your computer.
Practice bookmarking or pinning potential resources — We’ve all been there – you’re looking at one post and the author is smart and has back-linked to a different post. It might be interesting but if it’s not actually related to the problem YOU are trying to solve, save it for later. No need to quick learn that information – it’s not going anywhere.

BONUS: GRAB MY PERSONAL RESEARCH PLANNING TEMPLATE AND GET YOUR LEARNING DONE FASTER!

Know the problem

Get clear about the big question
Brainstorm a list of words / concepts related to that big question
Build a list of anchor concepts – the big principles that go beyond online business – to help you sort new information as it comes (useful or not?)
Break it into small chunks so you can search in smaller doses with more specific questions
Have a clear objective for each of those small dose searches

Pin these related posts for later:
4 steps to problem-solving like a pro
How to stop obsessing over social media

Assess for new understanding

Know your intended action (plan to act!) to hold yourself accountable
Stay present – checking each new piece of information against the problem / objective (have you solved it yet? Are you staying on task? Are things getting clearer or more confusing?)
Relate what you are learning to what you already know – use those anchor principals and your previous understanding to integrate new ideas into your schema. (Move from working memory to long term memory).

How this helps your focus problem

Overload tends to lead to being lost, stuck, or confused. And those are three words you do not want describing your work day. Those words lead to more awful words like procrastination. They lead to dwelling on the unimportant information and tasks that won’t move your business forward. They lead to premature decisions based on incomplete information because you just want to get it over with. You start telling yourself “Just do something!” yea?

Pin this related post for later:
4 mindsets killing your consistency

Following the tips above will help you stay focused on the bigger picture – and the actual problem – while wading into the world of google. They will help you start to systematize your problem-solving, which in turn helps you to stay on top of all the essential tasks of being an entrepreneur. There will always be problems and with a plan (and your free template!!) you can keep solving them like a boss while you wear all the hats / spin all the plates / keep all the balls in the air.

BONUS: GRAB MY PERSONAL RESEARCH PLANNING TEMPLATE AND GET YOUR LEARNING DONE FASTER!

Tags Business, learning, practice, productivity

Mindfulness and Cognitive Science Neurobiology and Behavior Raising Capable Kids

How to stop obsessing over social media

Post author By Alisa
Post date April 21, 2016
No Comments on How to stop obsessing over social media

Earlier this week we looked at WHY we tend to obsess over social media – clicking over to Facebook or scrolling through Instagram every time there’s a lull in our work. Today we’re looking at HOW TO STOP. It’s not quite enough to tell yourself that you will only check it twice per day…I’ve got 6 conditions that need to be satisfied in order for scheduled check-ins to be successful!

As I said in this blog post (go read it if you haven’t!), our reaction to social media notifications is similar to a drug addicts response to building drug tolerance. So how do people effectively overcome a drug addiction?

Pin that image so your fellow girlbosses stop wasting their time too!

If you took the first step and started building awareness around your social media distraction then you’ve moved it from unconscious thought to conscious — that’s huge.

Get the workbook >> your personal action plan for overcoming obsession so social media can be an important tool instead of a waste of your precious time.

So how do we solve the problem?

The next step in problem solving (after understanding the problem) is to look at other similar kinds of problems and investigate the use of its solution. In the case of checking social media every time you start to feel a little stuck or bored, addiction is a good comparison.

In my searching, genuine relationships appear to be the best form of recovery from addiction.

Relationships provide

a way for the addict to gain better self-awareness,
the support + connection a person is usually seeking under the surface, and
purpose to following through.

All three of these characteristics are also key to handling any kind of stress well. So it seems plausible to use these solutions for our issue with digital notifications and their effect on our creativity + productivity.

Putting the plan into our context

You’ve likely heard others talk about scheduling when they check social media. I think this has an area of validity so if we add a few things to it, it can serve you well in your business. Here’s when I think it works:

You understand the the compulsion to scroll through pictures is due to chemicals in your brain, not because there is anything life-or-death happening.
You are well-connected to other people whom you feel understand you and support your work.
You have meaningful work that is making progress.
As you establish the new habit, you are self-aware of what triggers your desire to jump on Instagram and actively talk to yourself about why you don’t need to do it.
You choose a constructive + creativity-boosting alternative after recognizing you feel stuck or you’re doubting yourself.
You practice having an abundance mindset: social media can wait./

By satisfying these conditions and forming a plan for when they are not satisfied, I think scheduling one or two specific times when you are checking on social media can be highly effective. You will need to test out what you need after you’ve finished. Meditation or a walk or less-demanding work may be necessary to help you transition back into focused + creative tasks like writing. And this can be applied to other areas as well like email and text messages.

So let’s walk through those conditions.

You understand the the compulsion to scroll through pictures is due to chemicals in your brain, not because there is anything life-or-death happening.

Stress in your work can trigger your fight-or-flight stress response. If you’ve conditioned yourself to mentally check out whenever stress arises – even if just for a little while – you’ll need to build awareness around that behavior. Starting with recognizing that it’s a chemical surge in your brain that is directing your attention to social media. Your brain has been wired to see it as a solution. Whatever reason you tell yourself for why you need to check instagram for the twentieth time today is really just an excuse.

Unless of course you actually do have a reason – but then it’s not just a distraction, right?

You are well-connected to other people whom you feel understand you and support your work.

Social media can be a great connector. It can also be a cover for real-life-isolation. Whether you are introverted or extraverted, you need people. Our brains are even programmed to seek out security within a tribe. So if in real life you are feeling insecure in your relationships, the pull to social media – where your followers are praising your work and seeking your engagement – will be stronger.

On the flip side, if you are investing in real-life community — people whom you see face-to-face or talk with over Skype — social media is going to be an easier distraction to overcome.

You have meaningful work that is making progress.

Purpose is a major influencer. As a business owner you probably had a big reason to put yourself through all the stress of working for yourself. You probably have a future vision in mind that keeps you going when you think about quitting. Are you letting that through in each project you take on? Are you creating a course simply because someone told you to or is it serving your bigger vision? If it’s in line with your bigger vision remind yourself of it! Keep it front and center as you work so you can channel the stress of the struggle toward creating your best work.
If you are struggling and your project isn’t making progress you will be more likely to move on to less important tasks, like instagram or twitter. It’s discouraging to feel like you’re not getting anywhere. Rather than force yourself to struggle (or disengage from the project), look again at the problem you are trying to solve and the outcome you want. Do you have all the information you need? Is there someone you could reach out to who has the skill you’re trying to hack?

As you establish the new habit, you are self-aware of what triggers your desire to jump on social media and actively talk TO yourself about why you don’t need to do it.

Stephen Covey talks about how easily we get distracted by urgent, unimportant tasks. He concludes that a sign of a highly effective person is that they focus on the important tasks (and know how to distinguish between types of tasks). What you really want right now is the expected outcome of your project or task – so figure out a way to get that rather than letting yourself get distracted by social media.

You’re not solving the right problem when you disengage from an important task to do an urgent / unimportant one. You’re just wasting your energy.

You’re just wasting your energy when you distract yourself from a difficult but important task. Use it to solve the real problem!

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You choose a constructive + creativity-boosting alternative after recognizing you feel stuck or you’re doubting yourself.

Your creativity is stalling and you’re losing focus because you feel stuck, you’re doubting yourself, etc. That is the worst time to get on instagram and start scrolling through perfectly styled images! Your brain needs a break. So reduce the stimulation and step away. Get present and take a few deep breaths.

Better to go outside and spend 30 minutes people-watching then to scroll through images in rapid fire.

You practice having an abundance mindset: social media can wait.

It’s not going to be gone forever. People won’t revoke their likes just because you haven’t responded yet. It can wait.

Really. It can wait.

Not indefinitely – in fact you know exactly when you will get to it. Because it’s scheduled. (And hey! With all the new algorithms, you don’t have to worry about missing your favorites in your feed!)

When each of these conditions are met, you can and should be successful in scheduling 1 or 2 social media check-ins throughout the work day. These will likely be longer because you’ve got an outcome in mind so you aren’t just endlessly scrolling.
As far as the time of day you check, I recommend afternoon and evening based on what I know about trying to create after consuming rapid-pace media but being home with kids all day I’m still working on fine-tuning my own schedule.

So tell me in the comments, will you try scheduling your social media check-ins?

Ready to move past obsessive social media checking? CLICK HERE NOW to grab your free workbook loaded with bonus content + guided questions and start building better habits that boost creativity + productivity.

Tags Business, mindfulness, practice, productivity, self-awareness

Neurobiology and Behavior

Why you keep obsessing over social media even when you know you shouldn’t (+ free workbook)

Post author By Alisa
Post date April 18, 2016
No Comments on Why you keep obsessing over social media even when you know you shouldn’t (+ free workbook)

Picture this:

You’re sitting at your desk and while struggling through writing content for your new ebook you decide to check Instagram. When you open the app on your phone, a big orange rectangle pops up in the bottom corner telling you that you have 40 new likes, 10 new followers, and 10 comments. A smile stretches across your face. You were testing out some new hashtags and these are exciting results. So you start going through them and momentarily forget all about your writing.

You start to transition back to your ebook (30 minutes later) but your mind is still buzzing with those numbers. You struggle to regain focus. Within a few minutes you pick up your phone again and open up that app and this time there’s another dozen new likes. But inside you feel yourself deflate a little bit. Now when you turn back to write your ebook you find it impossible to stay focused and besides all your inspiration is gone so you start clicking through blog posts about Instagram and eventually anything that catches your eye.

Sound familiar?

Why does this happen? What’s going on and how do we make it stop?

These are the questions I’ll be answering in today’s post.

First, we understand.

Notifications – mobile + desktop, push + in-app – are designed to get your attention. That’s kinda the point right? And they do a bang-up job. Whether it’s email or social media or text messages or slot machines (whaaa?? Yes.), the brain science is all along the same lines.

First piece of data: notifications (and slot machines) give what psychologists call variable-ratio rewards. An unpredictable reward that increases your anticipation of receiving it so you return frequently in hopes that this will be the time to receive the reward. Like our example above with the Instagram notifications, your brain is programmed to boost dopamine in anticipation to checking your social profiles because some time previously you received a great reward – like new followers or maybe even a client inquiry.

A study done in monkeys shows the same response. When the monkey does work, he receives a reward. A look at his neurochemistry shows that during the work dopamine is spiking, motivating him to do the work in anticipation of a reward. When a new experiment is run in which the monkey only receives the reward 50% of the time, dopamine skyrockets.

There is greater anticipation — greater motivation to pursue the reward — when the reward is not guaranteed BUT occurs often enough to feel possible.

Important note: we can also convince ourselves of a greater probability. That’s what casinos do – making it appear that the odds are 50/50. If you understood the real odds you wouldn’t give them any money.

CLICK HERE NOW to grab your free workbook loaded with bonus content + guided questions and start building better habits that boost creativity + productivity now!

Second piece of data: we are always pursuing happiness. Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins are all chemicals that our brains use to condition our behavior for the sake of happiness. Back to our hunter-gatherer ancestors, our brains used dopamine to help us remember where we found food. It uses serotonin + oxytocin to condition our behavior within our group or tribe for acceptance and safety.

The involvement of these chemicals forges a new neural connection instantaneously (where repetition builds new connections gradually). This means that when emotion is involved, we instantly get a new habit and when it’s not involved we have the painful process of practice.

When you are sitting at your computer and struggling to focus on writing your new ebook, your brain is looking for ways to feel happy. Due to the neural pathway formed other times you’ve checked social media, you get this bright idea to pick up your phone. And your brain gets dopamine. You feel happy, even if you haven’t actually solved any problem.

Every time you pick up your phone, you reinforce the habit. That neural connection gets insulated (making the electrical current travel faster) and strengthening the drive to pick up your phone when you’re feeling stuck or doubting yourself.

Third piece of data: the brain is always seeking happiER. Think about drug addiction. We know that the first use can send dopamine levels soaring in the brain. But the next time, with the same amount of drug, dopamine levels do not go as high. The brain seeks novelty. So what does a person have to do when they use drugs again? They have to up the dose.

If you’ve programmed yourself to eat a donut when you feel rejected, soon you will have to eat 2 in order to get the same feeling, or deal with the disappointment of an unfulfilling donut (and assume the shop screwed up the recipe this time).

In our scenario when you picked up the phone a second time your brain didn’t respond the same way. Rational or not, it doesn’t much matter, you feel disappointed. You feel disappointment due to the absence of dopamine (and probably serotonin + oxytocin as well).

This bears repeating: You feel disappointment when there is an absence of dopamine where you’ve experienced it in the past. It is a feeling brought on by chemicals in your brain.
We tend to blame the situation – and ourselves – when we feel down about not getting the attention we were hoping for. But that disappointment is neither selfish nor warranted. It just is.

Second, we make a plan.

Here’s where I’m going to get a little bossy. We all know how easy it is to read a post and walk away unchanged. But if you’ve made it this far it’s time to take action. You’ve got homework, love.

Step 1: Start paying attention.

You need to build awareness around this behavior. I want you to journal or bullet out answers to these questions:

What triggers do you see in your thoughts or environment?
How are you feeling when you reach for your phone or click over to Twitter?
What kinds of projects are you usually working on?
How long has it been since you talked to real people?
How’s your sleep these days?

If you only go this far, I commend you. Increasing your awareness around a behavior is a vital first step and can, in itself, influence change.

But if you’re ready to go all in and want to develop a healthier relationship with the social side of your business, go on to step 2.

Step 2: Get the free workbook and start building your personal action plan for overcoming social media obsession

CLICK HERE NOW to grab your free workbook loaded with bonus content + guided questions and start building better habits that boost creativity + productivity now!

Tags mindfulness, practice, productivity, self-awareness

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Introverts have a lower tolerance for stimulation.

Stimulation is any + all incoming information to the brain from sensory experience to internal dialogue to feelings to verbal + non-verbal cues from people.

In an overstimulated state you will struggle to make decisions, come up with creative solutions, regulate your behavior / emotions, maintain focus on the important stuff, perform necessary tasks effectively, etc.

All of these inhibit your ability to engage + connect with the people around you in the present moment.

Taking action to limit stimuli, discharge excess stimulation, streamline processes, and introduce systems + routines will increase your capacity for the people in your lives and keep you connected to your mission in the midst of all the noise.

Pair a word or idea with a visual (whether in story-form, picture, or video) is better for helping people understand words — words defining words is the worst (ex. What does methodology mean? “A set of methods.” That does not help me use the word effectively.)

Never give more information than they need at that moment (help your clients avoid overwhelm!) – be concise and descriptive.

Create space + safety for questions and provide prompts to stimulate the “oh yea, I don’t really know what that means” conversations.

Define your big picture → what MUST prospective clients know about you and your services in order to confidently hire you? Polling previous clients might help you with this one.

Define your big ideas → once you’re hired, what are the major steps that are taken? How can you effectively inform your client of those steps? Imagine you are showing them a lay of the land before you head off on your adventure. Point out the landmarks.

Define how the big ideas interact → how does step 3 rely on a successful step 2? These interactions need to be understood so your client knows the most important decisions to make.

Fill in the details → as you approach landmarks, what details do they need to know / understand to ensure they will accomplish the next task?

From the list above – or your own creative ideas – plan out how you will inform your client from pre-hiring to saying goodbye.

Related: Why you keep obsessing over social media
How to stop obsessing over social media

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Walking the talk

Growth requires tension

Here’s the big idea

Now it’s your turn

But first, why do we really care about human connection?

What does connection do for us?

First — Recognize that most people are stressed out

Second — Make genuine small talk

Third — Help them into the present moment

You can make this a new habit for yourself. Cuing yourself every time you hear the door open or when go refill your water bottle (or coffee cup) consider one of these prompts:

Action steps:

Self-awareness:

Related post: 5 benefits of self-awareness

Small talk:

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Staying present:

Wrapping up —

(If you’re short on time, scroll to the bottom for the summary)

What it means to be an introvert

The biggest difference is a pretty simple one, really. An introvert has a greater sensitivity to dopamine.

Overstimulation: an obstacle to high performance

So shall we dive in to where you should apply that force? YAY!

Ok, here’s how you can start to take back control:

Strategy #1: Get yourself some self-awareness

Some prompts to journal through:

Strategy #2: Be selective about your spontaneity

ACTION STEP:

Here’s another good place to stop. Take action on these first two steps before adding more to your plate, k? We’ll wait.

Strategy #3: Honor your body’s rhythms + take a time out

<mini-rant>

</rant>

ACTION STEP:

Strategy #4: Establish personal rituals

ACTION STEP:

Wrap up (read: a reminder why any of this matters)

Introverts have a lower tolerance for stimulation.

Stimulation is any + all incoming information to the brain from sensory experience to internal dialogue to feelings to verbal + non-verbal cues from people.

In an overstimulated state you will struggle to make decisions, come up with creative solutions, regulate your behavior / emotions, maintain focus on the important stuff, perform necessary tasks effectively, etc.

All of these inhibit your ability to engage + connect with the people around you in the present moment.

Taking action to limit stimuli, discharge excess stimulation, streamline processes, and introduce systems + routines will increase your capacity for the people in your lives and keep you connected to your mission in the midst of all the noise.

Related: 3 things you should know when you work with people

First, go into every meeting with the assumption that your new client is a novice in your field.

Here are a few characteristics of a novice:

What they need from you:

Recommended sequence for uncovering information:

“Ok, Alisa, I get it. A better client experience includes teaching my clients the language in a way that systematically reveals what is important at each stage of the process. So can we talk about how to do that now?”

So glad you asked! Answer: You need a good strategy that involves these big ideas:

Pair a word or idea with a visual (whether in story-form, picture, or video) is better for helping people understand words — words defining words is the worst (ex. What does methodology mean? “A set of methods.” That does not help me use the word effectively.)

Never give more information than they need at that moment (help your clients avoid overwhelm!) – be concise and descriptive.

Create space + safety for questions and provide prompts to stimulate the “oh yea, I don’t really know what that means” conversations.

So how do you introduce your domain language without slowing down the onboarding or work process?

So your job is to fish through your memory or your notes and identify the ESSENTIAL understandings your clients need.

Then, you need to categorize them into where they fall in the timeline.

Make these essentials available in a user-friendly manner

Now for ideas on the user-friendly way to educate your clients:

A product / services page that provides real information.

Give them a lay of the land in the welcome email

Include “glossary”-type page

Create a blog series about your client process + how you work.

Links to essential blog posts

Make a set of introductory videos, screencasts, or well-crafted visuals to be dripped out to your client at the appropriate time.

Be approachable

Take action:

Define your big picture → what MUST prospective clients know about you and your services in order to confidently hire you? Polling previous clients might help you with this one.

Define your big ideas → once you’re hired, what are the major steps that are taken? How can you effectively inform your client of those steps? Imagine you are showing them a lay of the land before you head off on your adventure. Point out the landmarks.

Define how the big ideas interact → how does step 3 rely on a successful step 2? These interactions need to be understood so your client knows the most important decisions to make.

Fill in the details → as you approach landmarks, what details do they need to know / understand to ensure they will accomplish the next task?

From the list above – or your own creative ideas – plan out how you will inform your client from pre-hiring to saying goodbye.

So tell me, what’s worked for you? What actions have you found to uplevel your client experience?

How do we typically respond to uncertainty?

Often that looks like focusing in on the details instead of figuring out the more important problem.

There’s another way this happens: when we only do the bare minimum.

So how do we do it? How do we tackle this problem of uncertainty proactively instead of these passive methods like focusing on details or doing the bare minimum?

We train our brains to look for growth.

Here’s the why behind our maladaptive habits in the face of a problem:

Related: Why you keep obsessing over social media How to stop obsessing over social media

Related: When vulnerability makes you feel like crap

It’s time to take action:

Here are 12 tips to help you stay focused as you head off to learn new things:

Building awareness

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